End is near for the TV theme song

May 2, 2010 at 12:00a.m.

By CHUCK BARNEY

Contra Costa Times

Excuse my lyrical hack job there, but I was inspired to write that wan little ditty after being bummed out by some recent news: The TV Academy is dumping the Emmy Awards category that honors main title songs, effective next year.

It’s a move that, as Michael Schneider of Variety wrote, essentially drives the “final nail in the TV theme song coffin.”

And how do we respond to this bit of Emmy buzz kill? By posing the same question that the “Family Guy” theme song raises: “Where are those good ol’ fashioned values on which we used to rely?”

Of course, the Academy is simply reflecting current reality. TV theme songs, once a vibrant piece of pop culture, have been on the wane for years as networks experimented with ways to keep viewers from switching channels.

Their mission? Get into and out of shows as quickly as possible and create a seamless blend of programming. (Oh, and cram as many commercials in there while you’re at it).

So that leaves no time to melodically run down the story of “a lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls,” or of a hardworking family movin’ on up “to a deluxe apartment in the sky.”

Consequently, shows began ditching their theme songs, or chopping them to bits.

The latter trend was taken to the extreme by “Lost,” with a theme “song” consisting of exactly one ominous, drawn-out note.

It’s sad.

Just sad.

Anyone who grew up on television knows that theme music is an inextricable part of the experience.

An opening line, or just a stanza or so, immediately gets us singing or humming and transports us to someplace special.