ANNIE'S MAILBOX: Mom must at least respect their marriage

March 21, 2010 at 9:42a.m.

By KATHY MITCHELL & MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: My brother’s girlfriend recently became pregnant. The problem is my mother. When I was pregnant with my 2-year-old son, I had no contact with my family, partly because my mother dislikes my husband. When my husband and I separated for a couple of months, Mom was very supportive. However, when I told her we were getting back together, she said she hates how I behave when I am with him.

We’ve been married four years. By the time my son was 6 months old, I thought things had been straightened out. Apparently not. My mother is ecstatic about my brother’s child, but doesn’t seem to care about mine. She made some comments on a social networking site that implied our poor relationship is all my fault.

I am not going to leave the father of my child and a man I am ecstatically in love with because my mother doesn’t like him. Is there any hope of patching things up, or should I be content that my mother-in-law treats me like her own daughter?

Sad in the Midwest

Dear Sad: There is always hope for a better relationship, but a great deal will depend on Mom’s willingness to accept your marriage, at least minimally, and how much you can tolerate. Mom doesn’t have to like your husband, but you must insist she respect your marriage, and it will help if you stand firm so she sees that her behavior will not drive a wedge between you. You also can make plans to see your mother at times other than family gatherings, when your husband would be present. But if she chooses to distance herself, there is not much you can do. Be grateful that your mother-in-law appreciates the woman you are.

Dear Annie: I’m in college and am living at home. A good friend and I are planning to move into an apartment together in the fall.

The problem is, a few months ago, “Karen” bought a puppy. I’ve never really liked dogs, and she’s aware of this. Most people find the puppy endearing, but he annoys me. On top of that, I suspect I am allergic, because every time I’m near the dog, I sneeze uncontrollably and my eyes itch.

I thought her parents would keep the dog once she moved out, but they won’t. I still want Karen to be my roommate, but I don’t want to share space with her dog. What should I do?

Sick as a Dog

Dear Sick: It is possible to develop a fondness for a puppy, and there is medication that can help somewhat with your allergic reaction. But you have to decide whether you are willing to do both in order to live with Karen, because she is unlikely to give up the puppy for you. She might, however, value the arrangement enough to ask her parents to reconsider keeping the dog. Explain the problem to Karen, and if you cannot find a solution, at least you will know in time to make alternate plans.

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