ANNIE'S MAILBOX: Mom says what she wants

By KATHY MITCHELL & MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: Several years ago, I had to spend a few hours with my mother-in-law. I had worked all night, and then helped my husband drive three hours to a business meeting. I went to Mom’s house, where I waited for his return.

While there, she called everyone she knew (with me sitting beside her) to tell them how fat I was. “Big as a house” was the most frequently used term. She may not have phoned every single friend, but she certainly called all the relatives.

Since that day, I have kept my distance. Mom recently asked my husband, again, why I don’t call her or attend family get-togethers. Up until then, he had made excuses, but he finally told her the truth. Mom claims she didn’t mean anything by her comments and can’t understand why the episode would keep me away.

Annie, I don’t fault this woman for being who she is, but I see no reason to continue to subject myself to her belittling remarks, whether about my size, stature, hair color or any other issue. My husband is staying neutral. What do you think?

Avoider in Pennsylvania

Dear Avoider: Mom sounds like one of those people who thinks she’s entitled to say what she likes and can’t understand why you are insulted. If you are willing to teach her, it could help your relationship and might be worth it, especially if there are grandchildren involved.

Attend the next family gathering. If Mom says anything rude, inform her very politely that you (and your family) are leaving. The same applies to phone calls. You will have to give her a few opportunities to connect her behavior with the consequences, but it can be done, and your husband should back you up. Of course, if she continues to insult you, by all means, stay away.

Dear Annie: I was raised poor, but now, at age 20, I have a good life. I have a terrific boyfriend and am grateful and proud of myself for what I have accomplished.

The problem is my sisters and mother. My two older sisters aren’t so well off. Based on past experience, I have refused them financial help. I just can’t afford it anymore.

I learned the other day that they feel I “don’t love them” and consider me “stuck up.” I don’t understand how they came to those conclusions. I try to be loving and understanding, but it’s hard with people who make me feel used. What do I do?

Loving Sister

Dear Sister: Your siblings make these claims to justify their own behavior. If you won’t loan them money, it must be because you don’t love them or are stuck up, not because they have failings of their own. It is manipulative. We urge you to continue being loving and understanding — and sensible enough not to let these comments get to you.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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