ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Neither can forget the past to move forward

June 17, 2010 at 4:15a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have not had a real relationship with my 42-year-old daughter for years. “Susan” claims I was never supportive, and that no matter what she did, I was never proud of her. She says I always put her down.

Susan has a 14-year-old son and is married for the second time. Her first husband was her childhood sweetheart. When we were on the outs eight years ago and she didn’t let me contact my grandson, I e-mailed my ex-son-in-law to ask him to please tell my grandson that we love him. When Susan found out I e-mailed the ex-husband, she went crazy. We had a fight a couple of months ago, and now, once again, I am not allowed to get in touch with my grandson.

We both agree too much has been said on both sides to move forward, but I can’t seem to let go. I move around in a daze and have lost my appetite. My husband keeps everything in, but I know he is hurting, too.

How do I get on with my life? I am 68 years old and want to enjoy the years I have left.

Arizona

Dear Arizona: Some children are more sensitive to slights than others, and a few, like Susan, find it difficult to deal in a productive way with the slings and arrows of life. Please ask Susan if she will go with you for family counseling. It could help all of you have a more positive relationship. If she won’t go, counseling can still help you.

Dean Annie: My daughter lives with her fianc in Mexico, and they plan to marry soon. We would like to have the wedding here, but unfortunately, her fianc cannot legally come into this country and may not be able to for several years.

She has always dreamed of a big wedding with a white dress, with her sister and mother helping with the preparations and a festive party with music and dancing. But all her friends and family live in the Northeast.

Her mother and I will pay for a wedding in Mexico. Should I advise her to simply invite everyone, knowing that only the immediate family and a few close friends will attend, or do I tell her to have a small wedding in Mexico and a big reception when she returns to the United States?

Questioning in New York

Dear N.Y.: If your daughter and her fianc will be returning to the Northeast within a year of their marriage, save the big reception for their homecoming. If, however, they are likely to stay in Mexico longer, have the festivities there.

Dear Annie: “Need Help in the Midlands” has a fear of bathing because she gets chilled and doesn’t want to get her head wet. I suggest she replace the fixed showerhead with the handheld variety with a shoulder-high mounting bracket.

B.B.

Dear B.B.: Several readers made similar suggestions, and a few also recommended body wash products for sponge bathing that do not require immersion in the tub.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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