ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Siblings must quit asking for parents’ money

June 16, 2010 at 4:12a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am 32 and the youngest of three children. My parents have always been generous — refinancing our homes, sending each of us to the college of our choice, as well as graduate schools, and offering financial help. All of us are now married with children of our own, and my parents still help us out.

Mom and Dad have no hope of retiring anytime soon. While we are all extremely grateful, where does it end? I don’t begrudge my parents how they spend their money, but I worry that they are burdening themselves too much and can’t say “no.”

We are all extremely close, and I hate to have financial issues dividing us. Is it possible to avoid these brewing battles while still accepting financial aid from our parents?

Figuring Out Finances in the Family

Dear FOF: None of you should be accepting financial help from Mom and Dad unless it is an emergency. Since you are a close family and are grateful to your parents for their help, perhaps you could initiate a sibling conference and discuss the issue calmly. Explain that the folks aren’t getting any younger and eventually will need this money. Your siblings should make the effort to wean themselves from their parents’ largesse. It would be better for everyone involved.

Dear Annie: I believe my son-in-law, “Carl,” is cheating on my daughter, and I don’t know what to do.

Carl works for a home-renovation company. His employer recently hired a 19-year-old woman, and it is obvious that Carl has become infatuated with her.

This girl has been texting him often. My daughter is a little suspicious, but doesn’t want to question or check up on her husband. Should I be concerned, and if so, what can be done about his behavior?

Worried Mother-in-law

Dear Mom: Let your daughter handle her husband. Say nothing derogatory about Carl to your daughter. Should she confide in you and ask for advice, however, please suggest she talk to a marriage counselor.

Dear Annie: “Out of Ideas” wrote about a girl at school who sits at her lunch table but doesn’t talk.

I am a girl with Asperger’s syndrome, which is a social disorder that makes it hard to read social cues and communicate with others. I’ve also been the person at the end of the table and wish someone had been kind enough to offer their friendship.

I’m older now and a little more understanding, but still, I remember how hard it was. Kudos to “Out of Ideas,” who at least was trying.

Understanding Aspie in N.H.

Dear N.H.: Thank you for reminding our readers to be kind. You never know what someone else may be going through.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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