ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Behavior is affecting grandson’s health

June 5, 2010 at 8:56a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My son and his wife have two children. My 13-year-old grandson can do nothing right in his father’s eyes, and the 11-year-old girl can do nothing wrong.

I just returned from a visit, and my son’s behavior appears to be having an effect on my grandson’s health. The boy made himself sick worrying about having a cavity. He missed 10 days of school over the winter with headaches and stomachaches.

I worry my son expects perfection from his child. His wife is aware of the situation, but as far as I can see, she doesn’t curtail it. The most she did was give my son a disapproving look, after which he stopped berating the boy.

Should I just butt out?

Grandma in the South

Dear Grandma: Your best ally is your daughter-in-law, who seems to be the only one with any influence over your son. Call her. Tell her you can see that she is a good mother and you hope she will work with her husband to be a better parent. The way he treats his son will not only have a lifelong impact on the boy’s emotional well-being, but will adversely affect his daughter, as well. Suggest she talk to her pediatrician about it.

Dear Annie: My cousin, “Daphne,” wears a lot of black. She seems perfectly happy with her life, but she is cutting herself. She showed me the marks on her arms and legs.

Daphne said I absolutely cannot tell anybody. But I’m worried about her health. What should I do?

Helpless

Dear Helpless: Cutting is not only physically damaging, but is an indication of emotional distress. It’s good that Daphne is confiding in you, and we hope you will allow her to discuss the things that are bothering her. Urge her to talk to the school counselor or a favorite teacher. Both of you can also check out kidshealth.org, which has information on cutting. If Daphne refuses to seek help through the school and won’t stop cutting, tell your parents what is going on. Although she may be upset with you, please care enough to help her anyway.

Dear Annie: My husband and I disagree with your advice to “The Family Thorn,” whose sister-in-law gets offended at every family gathering. You told her to stop letting Tonya marginalize her from the family.

We, too, had a family thorn — a cousin who, for 30 years, managed to be slighted and offended at every family function. Our relatives revolved around this self-centered, toxic behavior, even more so after she married into significant money.

Her petulant behavior at my grandfather’s funeral did it for us, and we exited this drama. We now share time with people who are supportive and encouraging, and our children are nurtured. And the rest of the family is stuck with that whiner.

Happy in the Deep South

Dear Happy: Most people would prefer to stop being a victim rather than give up on the family. But we’re glad this worked for you.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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