ANNIE’S MAILBOX: New wife can’t win over his kids

July 28, 2010 at 4:18a.m.

By KATHY MITCHELL and MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: I am 55 and have been married to Jim, 73, for five years. Jim’s wife died six years before we met, and his two children became furious when he began dating. They badgered Jim until he deeded them his house and property. Jim also gave each kid $250,000 in cash and paid off their mortgages.

The deeds specify that Jim can stay on the property as long as he lives, but make no provision for a surviving spouse. When we married, Jim asked the kids to allow me to continue to live there after he dies, but they refused. After that, whenever the kids asked for money, Jim told them it was time they lived within their means. (They have good jobs.) They became hostile and accused Jim of choosing me over them. They have not allowed him to see the grandchildren for three years.

Without telling Jim, I sent both his children a polite e-mail asking what it would take for us to be a family again. They told Jim, and he accused me of interfering, saying I have “ruined all possibility of reconciliation.” I was shocked by his reaction, but apologized. Jim will not accept my apology. Was I out of line?

Tired of Drama

Dear Tired: Jim is worn down. Although your intentions were good, his selfish children used it as an excuse to attack him. Ask Jim to go with you for counseling to see whether your relationship can withstand the pressure. If he won’t go, go without him.

Dear Annie: My best friend is having an online affair. In my book, it’s cheating all the way around.

I told her that if her husband asks me about it, I will not lie to him. But I am so uncomfortable with the situation that I no longer call her or visit their home. Is this friendship a write-off?

Confused in California

Dear Confused: It certainly sounds like it. Your friend is behaving terribly, and we agree that you should not be a party to her lies. The most you can do is suggest she get into counseling with her husband.

Dear Annie: I would like to respond to “V.W.,” who has an autistic child and whose relatives don’t understand how demanding it is. I have three children, one of whom has already been diagnosed with Asperger’s and the other two are showing similar traits.

I found support through my child’s school and the local county services. The county provides respite care, and the school has special classes where I have made friends with other parents. Also, I discovered care.com and sittercity.com, where you can search for trustworthy sitters in your area.

A starting point is asking the school nurse, school counselors or family doctors what services are available in your area. Support makes a big difference.

N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Thank you. Websites like the ones you listed provide child care, senior care, pet sitters, housekeeping services and even tutors. We appreciate the information.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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