ANNIE'S MAILBOX: What about Bob? His pass was unwanted

July 16, 2010 at 4:18a.m.

KATHY MITCHELL and MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: In the past three years, my husband and I have become friends with another couple, “Lynn and Bob.” Lynn and I have become close. Bob is more introverted. My husband isn’t crazy about him. We’ve recently learned that he suffers from depression and has received extensive therapy.

Last week, we spent a pleasant evening with them. After my husband and Lynn had gone out the front door, Bob gave me a hug, pulling me tightly into his chest, with his hand on my posterior. He didn’t release me until I managed to push him away. I was startled. He laughed and said, “I just wanted to see what you would do.” He then went out the door as if nothing had happened.

Bob and Lynn left the next morning for a three-week vacation, so I said nothing. Annie, I really enjoy my friendship with Lynn, but if I divulge this to my husband, it will mean the end of the friendship. He’d become totally unglued.

I’ve thought about confronting Bob privately, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea, either. How should I handle this?

In a Quandary

Dear Quandary: The next time you see Bob, inform him that if he so much as touches you, you will tell his wife and your husband about the prior incident. Then make sure you follow through. In the meantime, try to see Lynn when Bob is not present.

Dear Annie: Whenever my husband is confronted with an opinion that is not to his liking, he sticks his fingers in his ears to block out the sound.

He also will not discuss anything if you don’t agree with his point of view. He doesn’t listen to counter-arguments. Nor does he consider that he may be hurting someone’s feelings. He used to talk over anyone who expressed a different opinion, but the ear plugging is really annoying and frustrating.

I have just about had it. I need help.

Way Down Yonder

Dear Way: How very mature of him. Plugging your ears is what 5-year-olds do. Write your husband a note. Say that his behavior has become increasingly childish, and you are worried that it is a neurological problem or a sign of incipient dementia. Ask him to see his doctor for a checkup. Beyond that, we recommend you stop having such discussions with him.

Dear Annie: I wanted to comment on the letter from “Disgusted in Pennsylvania,” whose stepdaughter smokes in the car while the children are present.

In Arkansas, this is a misdemeanor. Parents smoking in vehicles with small children present may be stopped and ticketed and may face a visit from child welfare authorities. Obviously, our lawmakers view this as child abuse. The mother should reconsider reporting the stepdaughter.

Don’t Do That in Arkansas

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