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It’s like taking candy from a baby
On the side
Traficant bluster: The (phony) conspiracy theories are out there that ex-U.S. Rep. Jim Traficant’s plans to run as an independent for the 17th Congressional District were thwarted by Democrats afraid of him. Without naming anyone (because they don’t exist), Traficant and his supporters claim they were told he’d never be certified as a candidate for the November ballot.
A conspiracy isn’t needed when it comes to Traficant and his “campaign advisers.” Some of them and Traficant don’t live in the 17th, so the first rule would be, don’t let your neighbors sign the petition. Before turning in petitions, compare the names against lists of registered voters, which are public records.
It isn’t easy work, which is probably why Traficant and his advisers couldn’t get it correct.
Traficant can try to run as a write-in (he has no shame, so don’t be surprised), but he had essentially no chance of winning even if he had been certified as a candidate.
This can be another scene/chapter in the supposed Traficant movie/book.
I’m surprised by the number of people who asked me to write this column about the Austintown Fourth of July Parade.
I always believe in giving the people what they want, so here we go!
Since we moved here in 1995, my family has never missed the parade. It’s smaller than it was a decade ago. But an hour covered in sunscreen with temperatures getting close to 90 degrees works for us.
First among the politicians were Austintown’s three trustees and township Fiscal Officer Michael Kurish.
They went right past me without a look.
Then there was a brief parade stoppage. They were about 15 feet from where I was standing behind my wife and two daughters.
I looked up and I swear I saw a huge smile on the face of Trustee David Ditzler.
He screamed, “There’s Dave Skolnick!” and threw a handful of mini-Tootsie Rolls in my direction.
The two other trustees and Kurish did the same for what seemed like an eternity. It was raining mini-Tootsie Rolls with at least 100 of them coming at us.
I got out of the way and made it through my first parade without getting hit by a single piece of candy.
But my poor wife and two daughters were the victims of a candy drive-by. There were so many that we were eating them hours later.
People standing nearby gave us a strange look.
Mahoning County Democratic Party Chairman David Betras didn’t throw any candy my way. But when he saw me, he yelled to someone in a car to “get those bags of candy!”
He then handed me a five-pound bag of assorted candy and a smaller bag of Tootsie Roll Pops.
Does the greatest party chairman in the history of the world think I can be bribed with a few pounds of candy? I have my integrity.
Then state Rep. Ronald V. Gerberry tried three times to throw mini-packs of Starbursts to me. The first hit my youngest daughter, the second didn’t make it that far, and he overthrew the third pack. It turns out they were “tropical” Starbursts, which taste awful.
Mike Pestian, Gerberry’s Republican challenger, walked over to me and handed me a great assortment of some of my favorites.
I’m smelling an upset in that race.
I was also handed a great assortment of candy from a staffer for state Sen. Joe Schiavoni.
There were no more strange looks from people standing near us as I received candy. They were long gone by that time.
Hopefully kids can learn a valuable lesson from the parade — it’s OK to take candy from strangers as long as the candy tastes good.
It was an incredibly hot day. That meant very soft candy. Even worse, it meant handshakes from sweaty politicians. I learned that lesson years ago — the hard way. I just waved.
What to wear is always an issue. Many politicians wear dark suits regardless of the temperature.
U.S. Rep. Tim Ryan wore a white soccer shirt with dark dress pants. He got it half-right this year.