ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Grandma needs to get rid of ‘live-in’

July 9, 2010 at 4:15a.m.

KATHY MITCHELL and MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: My husband, my son and I live with my mother-in-law. She’s been divorced for nine years. One night last month, she went out with the girls and brought a guy home. “Stan” hasn’t left since that night.

Stan is only two years older than my husband. He’s been eating our food and using our toiletries. I’m a stay-at-home mom, and while my husband and his mother are at work, Stan hangs around making moves on me. I’ve told my husband, but he refuses to believe it.

The other day, I caught Stan siphoning gas from my husband’s hobby hot- rod in the garage. What do I do? I’m tired of keeping my mouth shut.

Annoyed and Ignored

Dear Annoyed: Why are you keeping your mouth shut? You have a child, and he should not be subjected to this. Have your husband tell his mother that you want Stan out. If she refuses, we hope you will start saving your money. Your family needs its own space.

Dear Annie: My younger brother just celebrated his 18th birthday. He’s smart, personable and a decent-looking guy, though a bit nerdy. He’s never had a girlfriend or even indicated any interest in the opposite sex. He says he is dedicated to his schoolwork, so we seldom bring up the topic.

What I fear is that he may be secretly gay and afraid to come out. I’d accept my brother regardless, but I worry he may have anxiety. Is it unusual for someone his age to have no interest in either gender?

B.C.

Dear B.C.: You are making assumptions that seem unwarranted. Your brother could be secretly gay, and there is also a small percentage of the population that is asexual — not interested at all. But we suspect your brother is simply biding his time.

Many 18-year-olds aren’t ready to date, and a guy who is “a bit nerdy” may have difficulty approaching girls and may be too embarrassed to discuss it. These guys often do better socially when they are in college. We suggest you occasionally offer him some pointers. Otherwise, just be his friend. If he needs to talk, he’ll come to you.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Devastated and Frustrated.” When our son married 32 years ago, our family welcomed his wife with genuine love, but she wanted little to do with us. After our grandsons were born, they moved far away. The grandsons visited us without their parents twice in 12 years.

Their last visit ended when I asked my son if his kids could visit their great-grandma in the nursing home. He exploded and stormed out, and we haven’t seen them since. They told the boys and his in-laws that I kicked them out of our house. That was 20 years ago.

We assume our son is still alive. We pray for his family every day, asking God to change their hearts. I am 74, and my husband is 77. We hope to see them again before we die.

Another Devastated Grandma

Dear Grandma: How heartbreaking. We can only hope and pray that your son sees this letter and picks up the phone.

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