ANNIE'S MAILBOX: July 4th embodies American dream

July 4, 2010 at 10:04a.m.

KATHY MITCHELL and MARCY SUGAR

Dear Readers: Happy July 4th! While you’re salivating over the grilled hot dogs and potato salad, please consider taking an hour out of your day to visit a veterans hospital or volunteer at a soup kitchen. And please remember friends and family members who are alone and invite them to share in your barbecue. It will make the day truly special.

Here’s a poem written in 1837 by Ralph Waldo Emerson, in honor of those who fought for American independence at Concord:

Concord Hymn

By the rude bridge that arched the flood,

Their flag to April’s breeze unfurled,

Here once the embattled farmers stood,

And fired the shot heard round the world,

The foe long since in silence slept,

Alike the Conqueror silent sleeps,

And Time the ruined bridge has swept

Down the dark stream which seaward creeps.

On this green bank, by this soft stream,

We set to-day a votive stone,

That memory may their deed redeem,

When like our sires our sons are gone.

Spirit! who made those freemen dare

To die, or leave their children free,

Bid time and nature gently spare

The shaft we raise to them and Thee.

Dear Annie: What’s the best way to deal with someone who insists on controlling and dominating others?

Years ago, a friend and I started an informal lunch group. She dropped out, but the rest of us have continued to meet once a month at a restaurant. Over time, the group has undergone change, and it’s now grown to include 35 members.

A couple of years ago, “Dottie” joined the group. She is quite outspoken. She and some of the other, newer members have determined that we should meet in a town farther away, since there is a greater variety of restaurants. They also changed the meeting time to make it more convenient for them — but less convenient for me.

I reminded Dottie that when the group began, we had informally agreed to meet at a later hour. She became incensed and bristled with hostility. She said others agreed with her decision, and if we didn’t go along, she would quit the club — a prospect I’d consider an improvement, although I didn’t say so.

I attempted to organize a splinter group, but most of the members prefer to remain with the larger group regardless of where or when it meets. How do I avoid creating more unpleasantness when dealing with Dottie? Does my being a founding member mean zilch now?

Neither Leader nor Follower

Dear Neither: Unfortunately, yes. The group has grown beyond your original intent, and as with most such groups, the majority rules. Your choice is to follow them or leave. Even though you are an original founder, it is no longer “your” group.

Annie’s Snippet for Independence Day (Credit American poet and writer Archibald MacLeish): “There are those, I know, who will say that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind, is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American dream.”

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