ANNIE'S MAILBOX: Son-in-law's drinking worries grandma-to-be

February 23, 2010 at 1:16p.m.

Dear Annie: My son-in-law drinks too much. Over the years, I’ve seen “Ted” overindulge at weddings, and I notice he consumes a tremendous amount of beer. Lately, my worry has turned from concern to alarm.

They live far away, but we spent a few days with them over the holidays. Ted now starts with wine in the afternoon and has half a dozen beers every night while watching TV. Whenever they go out, my daughter is the driver. When he goes out alone, he takes a cab.

I don’t believe this is normal behavior. My daughter says nothing about his drinking, although she made one comment about his not helping around the house. She is expecting their first child soon, and he will have to drive her to the hospital. What if he’s been drinking?

Ted recently lost his job. (I’m not sure why.) I thought my husband, who has been a recovered alcoholic for more than 30 years, would be the perfect person to talk to him. But he thinks we shouldn’t get involved. I am worried sick about the safety and emotional health of my daughter, not to mention their financial future. If I bring this up, am I being a caring mother or an interfering mother-in-law? Worried Mom

Dear Worried: At least Ted knows not to get behind the wheel, which gives you an opportunity to say something: Ask your daughter who will be driving her to the hospital when she goes into labor. Be very matter-of-fact when you make sure it’s not Ted. She’ll understand why. Then suggest she call Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at (888) 4AL-ANON ([888] 425-2666). You can call them, too. If she tells you to back off, say nothing more.

Dear Annie: I started a small catering business a few years ago. My husband’s sister asked me to create some Christmas food gifts for some family members. I sent catered meals to the ones who live nearby and shipped gift baskets to the two out-of-towners.

I spent time shopping for the baskets, as well as spending money of my own to mail them. My sister-in-law sent me a check for the cost of the baskets, but did not include anything for my time or the cost of the shipping. In the past, she has always remembered to send extra when I have done this for her. She also did not send my husband or me a holiday gift, even though she has before.

I know this sounds petty, and she has done many nice things for us over the years, but I can’t help feeling used and slighted. I don’t want to cause a scene, but it makes me angry. Should I say something or let it go for the sake of peace in the family? Insulted

Dear Insulted: Please let it go. Since your sister-in-law has always been good about these things in the past, we assume they slipped her mind this time and she meant no offense. If you make baskets for her again, gently remind her of the cost of shipping when you discuss the food items. This is your catering business. It’s a good idea to make your prices clear, even to family members.

Dear Annie: In your response to “Just Wondering in Southern California,” you used the word germophobia. Is it something that you made up, or can you cite a source?

I did a Google search, and verminophobe may have been a better choice to describe someone with a fear of germs. A Crossword Puzzle Solver

Dear Puzzle Solver: We have used germophobia before, and so have our readers. We have no idea what the etymology is. It’s a slang term, although you can find it in Wikipedia and other online sources. (Actually, an irrational fear of dirt and contamination is mysophobia.)

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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