ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Stepdad isn’t wanted in her life

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My mother died two years ago. She’d been with “Biff” for 13 years. Biff is a jerk. Most of the family discontinued all contact with my mother because no one could stand him. I tolerated him, but he made me uncomfortable. When I was a teenager, he made sexual comments to me, and I moved out of the house as soon as I could. He was also verbally abusive of my younger brother.

I am now 32, and Biff is determined to stay in my life. He refers to my 3-year-old as his “granddaughter.” He visits us at my work, where my daughter is in day care. My husband and I are expecting our second baby, and there is no reason for Biff to consider himself related to this child.

I need a way to tell Biff that there is no longer a reason for him to hang around. He has a grown daughter and two grandchildren of his own. He makes no effort to push himself on them — only me. Biff is verbally violent, and I am afraid he will erupt. How do I handle this mess?

Frightened

Dear Frightened: Biff has been your stepfather for 13 years and believes he is part of your family. Set boundaries, and maintain your distance. Insist he call before coming over. Arrange meetings at neutral places, and when your husband can be with you. Keep the visits brief, and let them become less frequent. If he yells, leave. If his verbal abuse becomes physical, call the police.

Dear Annie: My husband’s childhood friend, who is almost 50, is getting married for the first time, and the wedding is in the Bahamas. Traveling to the wedding and staying at the resort is a great expense. Do we still need to give a gift? Money is tight, and since we don’t often see this friend, I think what he truly wants is our support and presence. Would it be OK for several of his friends to each contribute a small amount and combine it into one gift card the newlyweds could use to buy one big gift they would enjoy?

Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: A gift is expected, but should be something you can afford. A combined gift card is fine. But do make sure there is a card with your good wishes.

Dear Annie: I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I go commando, just like the daughter of “Worried Mom of Britney Spears Wannabe.” Many of my friends also go commando, but none of us uses tampons. If our “natural secretions” can be washed out of our panties, they can also be washed out of our jeans. Most pants are thick enough that staining is not noticeable on the outside.

Why on earth would any sane woman want to wear a tampon when she doesn’t have to? It puts them at risk for infections and toxic shock syndrome.

N.Y. Commando Girl

Dear N.Y.: We were surprised at the number of women who like to go commando. We find it less hygienic than wearing panties. But to each her own.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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