ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Sister’s mental illness is tough

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My 30-year-old sister is mentally ill and lives with my mother. “Stacy” used to live in her own place, but in the past six years, she has become gradually more dependent. She refuses to go anywhere alone and will no longer use the telephone or Internet at all. She has no interaction with anyone outside the immediate family.

I’m concerned about Stacy’s well-being, but I’m also worried about my mother, who has become her caregiver. Mom works 80 hours a week and has health issues and needs all the sleep she can get. Stacy shares a room with her and wakes her up frequently during the night to tell her about the voices she’s hearing and the symptoms she’s having. She’s very demanding and won’t leave Mom alone for five minutes.

I don’t know what to do. I fear for my sister’s future. My mother says she will eventually live in a group home, but anytime the subject is brought up, Stacy gets angry and says she’ll never go. Any advice?

Blame the Disease Not the person

Dear Blame: It is not uncommon for those with mental illness to prefer to be unmedicated, and sometimes this reluctance can be eased with an adjustment in dosage or change in prescription. Your mother should talk to Stacy’s doctor. Also, please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) at 800-950-NAMI (800-950-6264).

Dear Annie: My husband and I belong to different churches. He’s been a member of his for 50 years, and I’ve been with mine for 30.

He was recently hospitalized, and someone from his church came to visit, as did my pastor. But when I spoke to my pastor, she said she did not think it was good church ethics to pray for a nonmember, so she didn’t pray for my husband. Yet, when someone from his church visited me when I was hospitalized, they had no problem praying for me.

I was disappointed to hear my pastor’s words. How do I get over this?

Disappointed Church Member

Dear Disappointed: Talk to your pastor, and explain how upset you were that she could not bring herself to pray for your husband. That isn’t church ethics. It’s church politics.

Dear Annie: I read the reply from “Another Patient,” who said she had a mastectomy, but because she didn’t require radiation and chemo, people didn’t offer any support. I had the same problem 23 years ago.

In my case, it was malignant melanoma, a potentially deadly form of cancer. It fortunately was caught early, and after two surgeries, the doctors said I didn’t need chemo or radiation. I was left with a 6-inch scar on my thigh. My family decided that I wasn’t sick and never had been. I received zero support.

I believe they found it easier to deny my illness than to accept that I had cancer. Please, do not trivialize what has happened to us.

Scarred but Doing Fine

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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