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Loss of loved ones can make holidays difficult
By LINDA M. LINONIS
NILES
For some, Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas,” is just a song. For others, it underlines the pain of loss.
Loss because of death seems especially difficult to face during the holidays. Family and friends remember how the deceased may have made certain Christmas cookies, decorated the tree, read “The Night Before Christmas” or simply been a part of the celebration.
The bereavement ministry at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church, 381 Robbins Ave., addressed loss in the recent program “Getting Through the Holidays after the Loss of a Loved One.” The Rev. James Baer, an ordained Baptist minister and funeral director with McFarland & Son Funeral Services, was guest speaker.
He noted both professions afforded him the opportunity to “be with people in the ‘up close’ times of their lives.”
The Rev. Mr. Baer said the funeral serves one purpose, but “grieving doesn’t stop at the funeral.” The death of a loved one usually impacts special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. “They just don’t seem as special,” he said, when that someone is missing.
But, he said, many share that feeling of sorrow, whether a family member or friend died recently or years ago. “The pain we feel is the price of living,” he said. “We hurt because we dared to love.”
Some people experiencing this pain would like to tune out everything from Thanksgiving to New Year’s, Baer said. “It’s about traveling through the hardship to get to the other side ... not under, over or around, but through.”
Mr. Baer said people should see Jesus as their example. “Jesus didn’t wish death away, he tasted it ... he conquered death by going through it.”
“God’s Christmas gift to us is Jesus,” he said. Jesus became human, died for our sins and made salvation possible. “One day, we will reunite with our loved ones,” he said.
Denise Miller, a lifelong church member and music director, also is involved in the bereavement ministry. She suggested conversations about the deceased with others who knew him or her. “There are good memories to share,” she said.
If the family has a Christmas Eve dinner, she said, leave an empty plate “as a remembrance” of who once shared the table.
Diane Jamison, also a member of the bereavement ministry, said it’s important to remember the survivors “after things have settle down” and they might be alone. “That’s when they need support,” she said.
Jamison and Miller both noted that people often “walk on eggshells” around survivors, not wanting to intrude. But, they said, approaching people shows them someone cares.
Eileen Patrone, another ministry member, said it sometimes helps to “change your routine.”
“Winter and cold reality sometimes make the pain of loss worse,” said the Rev. Larry Frient, pastor of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. “But the warmth of love in one’s heart and faith helps.”
The bereavement ministry sponsors the annual program near the Christmas season because loss during this time may be harder to endure. Members of the bereavement ministry said feedback on the program is positive and that people are helped by it. And, they added, people rely on their faith in God to get them through such times.