ANNIE’S MAILBOX: His ex moved on — and quickly

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am recently divorced and readily admit that I contributed to the reasons why my ex-wife and I are no longer together. The problem is, six days after the divorce became official, my ex was already dating someone else and letting him meet my kids.

When I asked my 7-year-old son if Mommy had a new friend, he replied, “Yes! And his first name is the same as yours!” The excitement with which he said this broke my heart in two. I confronted my ex and ran off her new man, telling him to stay away from my kids. I know this was not the way to handle it, but I didn’t know what to do. Any advice would be great.

Confused Dad in Kansas

Dear Kansas: You can’t have it both ways. Your ex-wife’s social life is no longer your business. Your only legitimate concern is the kids. If you are capable of discussing this with your ex calmly, explain that it is not in the children’s best interests to meet and develop a bond with any of her dates unless the relationship is serious and committed. And more importantly, she should not have any man sleep over at the house when the children are present.

But please try to accept that one day your ex-wife is likely to meet someone who will become part of your children’s lives. If they are lucky, he will love them and they will return the favor. You will always be their father. Please don’t make their lives more difficult because you are jealous and possessive of their affection. Truly, there’s enough to go around.

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to a wonderful guy for 14 years. I had some serious health problems nine months into our marriage and have had eight major surgeries since. “Harry” has been my rock.

The problem is, we don’t have sex anymore. The last time we tried, Harry couldn’t perform, and now he seems uninterested. We even sleep in separate bedrooms, mainly because he snores. He’s also become quite negative, but when I point out that he appears unhappy, he insists he’s fine.

Harry is such a homebody that friends have stopped asking us to do things with them. He always declines. A few years ago, I threw him a surprise birthday party, and he freaked out and had a near breakdown before the party. I see a great psychiatrist because I have my own issues. Harry has attended a few sessions with me, so the doctor knows him well. But Harry doesn’t believe therapy is useful.

I still love him, but I want a husband, not a roommate. I would have left long ago, but I’m disabled and cannot live on my own. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Upset Wife

Dear Upset: Please ask Harry to see his doctor and have his testosterone checked. Between the lack of sex and the apparent depression, it sounds like a medical issue that can be treated. Harry has been very supportive of you over the years. Now it’s your turn to be his “rock.”

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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