ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Should friends try for more?

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am in a bind. One of my closest friends is like a female version of me. We can talk to each other about anything, from relationships to off-the-wall topics.

However, when we talk to each other about our recent sexual exploits, some not-too-subtle flirting occurs between us. This leads me to believe she wants to be more than friends, and I know she gets the same vibe from me.

Recently, she kissed me to see if the attraction was there. She tried to play it cool as if it meant nothing, but it made me want to find out if there could be more than friendship between us. I’m sure she feels the same way. I don’t know how to go about expressing to her that I’d like to give it a try without damaging a great friendship. Any suggestions?

Chicago

Dear Chicago: Ann Landers said, “Love is friendship that has caught fire.” Your friend obviously is interested in a romantic relationship, but she is waiting for you to make the next move. We say, go for it. It is possible that if things don’t work out, the friendship will be awkward for a while, although it can recover. But if you don’t take the risk, you will always wonder “what if.”

Dear Annie: My sister’s 32-year-old daughter, “Sasha,” lives with her. Since she was a teenager, Sasha has been in and out of jail for theft and fraud. She has stolen from me and every other relative. If Sasha is in your home, you can be sure things will be missing. My sister, however, continues to think the best of her.

My husband and I are having a large party to which my sister will be invited. Can you suggest a way to invite my sister but not Sasha?

Finally Had It

Dear Finally: If your sister refuses to recognize that her daughter has a serious problem, there is no way to exclude Sasha without offending her mother. You can phrase it diplomatically and apologize for not being able to invite Sasha to your party, but if your sister chooses not to come, so be it.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Loving and Missing All at the Same Time,” whose 22-year-old daughter, “Lana,” is an inconsiderate slob. She doesn’t want Lana living at home next year, but her husband doesn’t support her efforts to stop enabling her. You told her to create consequences for Lana’s behavior and ask her to pay rent and contribute to the housekeeping.

When Lana doesn’t do the dishes or laundry, who ends up doing it? I suspect it is Mom. The solution would be for her to let those things pile up while she sees a movie or takes up painting.

I bet her husband wouldn’t be so quick to accommodate Lana if he had to clean up after her.

L.

Dear L.: We agree that Mom should not be picking up after Lana. But while it is easy to close the door to Lana’s bedroom, it is much harder to tolerate her mess in the common areas of the house.

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