ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Twin puts pin on his tale to mom

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and plan on marrying after his children are grown. “Jack” is wonderful with my family.

Here’s the problem: My sister, “Ellen,” has 8-year-old twins, and I have been involved in their lives since they were born. Unfortunately, one of them, “J.J.,” has quite a temper and a mean streak. When he’s angry, he says he hates me and wishes I were dead.

Last year, at a family function, Jack and my adult son, “Rob,” were in charge of the kids playing outside. J.J. was being defiant and reckless with a set of steel horseshoes, and fearing someone would be hurt, Rob and Jack took the horseshoes away. The next day, I told Ellen about it so she could discuss it with J.J. Instead, she became defensive and claimed that Jack and Rob should have asked her to deal with the situation. I dropped the conversation, and everything went back to normal.

Now, nearly a year later, Ellen has uninvited Jack from the twins’ birthday party. J.J. told her that Jack hurt him when he took the horseshoes away. I suggested Ellen call Rob to get the truth, but she insists J.J. would never lie to her.

I feel betrayed. How could Ellen believe Jack would hurt one of her children? I have not spoken to her in weeks, and it hurts to think we may be permanently estranged. I want to fix this, but I worry that if I apologize, J.J. could frame one of us for something much worse and Ellen would take his word for it.

I think Ellen is doing her son a great injustice by not seeking the truth and holding him accountable. Is there any hope for the relationship?

Hurt Sister

Dear Sister: As you undoubtedly know, parents tend to be rather defensive of their children. Ellen may not see J.J.’s behavior as a problem until the evidence becomes overwhelming, or comes from his school and others outside the family. We agree she’s not doing him any favors, but it’s unlikely that you will win this argument. If you want to maintain a relationship with Ellen, it will have to be on her terms. (And we’d interact with J.J. only when witnesses are around.)

Dear Annie: Last week, two little girls came to my door at dusk selling candy and wrapping paper for school. I asked them in and looked at their brochures. I also warned them about going into strangers’ homes, and they said, “But you were nice.” I explained that a lot of evil people seem nice, and told them to go straight home.

I understand the brochure instructions explicitly say not to go door to door, but most kids don’t read this warning, and many parents are too lazy to go with them. I am begging parents everywhere not to let their children sell items to strangers by themselves. And I am asking the schools not to encourage such dangerous practices.

Worried

Dear Worried: Every year, schoolchildren sell all kinds of things to relatives and friends, but some, in an effort to raise more money, go door to door. We hope parents will take your valuable warning to heart.

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