ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Sis won’t pay for ‘vacation’ home

August 25, 2010 at 4:15a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My 81-year-old mother passed away several months ago. One of her final wishes was that my older sister and I get along.

Sis inherited Mom’s house, but she lives five hours away and didn’t want it, so I purchased the house from the estate. I go there on my days off to do maintenance and upkeep.

My sister is welcome to stay there any time. She was there for Memorial Day and July 4th, and e-mailed that she plans to visit for Labor Day. I told her she is welcome, but the house costs me nearly $400 a month in utilities, taxes, etc., and she should chip in something. She refuses to give me anything for expenses.

It isn’t the money. It’s the principle. I think $15 a day is fair. What do you say?

Sam in Pittsburgh

Dear Sam: This is the equivalent of your vacation home. Generally, when one invites a relative to stay, one doesn’t charge them for the hospitality. However, if Sis is using the family home as a vacation destination, meaning she invites herself and goes when you are not there, it is similar to a hotel and she should pay. We think $15 a day is a terrific deal for her.

Dear Annie: My sister and her fianc have been planning their wedding for two years. One of their few requests is that the men in the wedding party wear tuxedos. Our father is the only one refusing to do so, although cost is not an issue. He also has made it clear he isn’t interested in participating in a father-of-the-bride dance, and we’re not even sure he’ll walk her down the aisle.

My sister and my father have always had a wonderful relationship, and he approved of the wedding until he realized they were getting married “so soon.” His behavior is embarrassing for our entire family. Should we just let him be his usual “easier not to” self and wear a suit?

Tuxless in Bettendorf, La.

Dear Tuxless: We’ll grant that Dad sounds like a spoiled brat, but forcing him to behave like an adult will only create ill-will on the big day. He may have some unresolved issues that make him reluctant to participate in his daughter’s wedding, so you may as well leave him alone.

Dear Annie: “Cautious Canadian” was worried that “Nick,” a sex offender, had keys to all the apartments in her building. Society doesn’t deal well with sex offenders. It’s difficult to find a balance between protecting others and allowing ex-offenders to live normal lives after they have served their time. Because so many re-offend, it’s hard to feel generous toward anyone who is in that category.

I don’t think Nick should lose his job as the informal super, but he should not have keys to the apartments. Also, if word gets out that Nick is on probation, he might be blamed for real or imagined thefts or damages for which he isn’t responsible. I am, however, annoyed that “Canadian’s” husband wasn’t more protective.

Cambridge, Mass.

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