ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Mom’s hoarding is out of control

August 21, 2010 at 8:57a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My three grown sisters and I have a widowed mother with a severe hoarding problem.

Due to numerous roof leaks and animal infestations, her drywall and ceilings are collapsing. When her neighborhood association took legal action against her, we managed to get a new roof installed. It was the first time in years that we’d had a glimpse of the inside of her house. The trash, clutter and other “junk” (unworn clothing with tags still on, rotting food containers, bags of groceries never put away, trash, etc.) reach heights of 6 feet. A small “cow path” exists to navigate from room to room.

We have tried interventions and counseling, but Mom refuses to acknowledge the problem. She says it is her business and we are to leave her alone. We do not have a clear picture of Mom’s personal finances, but we know the mortgage and monthly utilities are being paid. The furnace, air conditioner and water heater are no longer in working order. When we get together for family outings, her clothes smell of mold and mildew. She can’t shower in her home, as every bathroom is unusable except for one toilet. We fear she may one day fall and be unable to call for help.

Mom has two part-time jobs and spends a great deal of time traveling. She doesn’t suffer from dementia and so is not considered a danger to herself. We all live close by. Should we continue to offer assistance? Should we seek legal guardianship or just honor her wishes to stay out of her business?

Frustrated Siblings

Dear Siblings: Your mother’s hoarding has reached epic levels, and “honoring her wishes” could cause her great harm. This is a form of mental illness, and Mom needs professional help. Please contact the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org/hoarding) at P.O. Box 961029, Boston, MA 02196 for information and a referral to a therapist who specializes in these disorders.

Dear Annie: During the warm months, we open our windows in the evening to cool our home. The problem is, our neighbors like to sit out on their porch and smoke. Every few weeks, they invite a horde of chain-smoking friends over. Their porch is 15 feet from the only windows that open on that side of our home. Their smoking is very bothersome, and the next day, I find butts flicked onto my property.

We have a neighborly friendship, and our kids play together. I know they have tried, unsuccessfully, to stop smoking. I have thought of telling them I am allergic to cigarette smoke and asking that they please smoke on the other side of their porch. Any advice?

Choking in S.W. Washington

Dear Choking: You don’t have to claim allergies, but you can certainly tell them quite honestly that you have a sensitivity to cigarette smoke and ask that they please puff away on the side that doesn’t face your home. You also can invest in a fan, an air purifier and other inexpensive remedies and see if those help.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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