ANNIE’S MAILBOX: He gets lonely; she won’t commit

August 18, 2010 at 4:16a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My wife of almost 30 years passed away several years ago, and after grieving for more than a year, I reluctantly tried online dating. Just when I was about to call it quits, I met a lovely widow who had had many lousy relationships after her husband died.

“Hannah” and I had instant chemistry. She knows I am not like the abusive men she dated before. We live six hours apart and are able to see each other for a few days every month. Her adult children and friends really like me, and my adult children and friends think she is good for me.

We’ve been dating for two years. Hannah knows I would marry her in a heartbeat, but she won’t say “yes.” Her reasons are that I have a few more years before I can retire and leave my current home, and she has an elderly mother who is dependent on her.

Hannah has gone back to school for a second degree, which will not be completed for another three years. To finish, she may have to move farther away. She’s content to see me less often. She has her family to keep her company, but I get lonely. I told Hannah that I’d occasionally like to go out with another woman for coffee or lunch just to have an adult to talk with. She says that is wrong since we are in a committed relationship.

Am I being unreasonable?

Quandary in Florida

Dear Florida: You and Hannah have a long-standing relationship without a commitment. If all you want is adult company, it might be a good idea to go out for coffee or lunch with some of the guys and leave the women alone. Otherwise, you risk losing Hannah. But if you’re looking for marriage, you might need to look somewhere else.

Dear Annie: I’m 14 and have a friend with a problem. “Mia” is a beautiful girl, but is insecure. When she feels depressed, she cuts herself. I’m the only person she has told. I made her promise me she wouldn’t do it again, but a few days ago, I found new marks on her arm.

How do I help her without losing her trust?

Scared

Dear Scared: You sound like a good friend to Mia. It would be best if she could talk to her parents, a school counselor, a favorite teacher or an adult relative, but you can’t force her, so it’s helpful that you listen to her. You also can discuss the situation with your own parents. Information and additional suggestions are available through the teens’ section at kidshealth.org. Please check it out.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Gargantuan Freak,” who was hurt when her husband’s best friend said she was “gargantuan” and her husband and in-laws agreed.

As a doctor, I can assure her that 150 pounds is a perfect weight for someone who is 5 feet 9 inches tall. If this comes up again, I recommend she smile and reply, “I prefer statuesque or goddesslike.” Her husband should be supportive by responding the same way.

M.D. in Montreal

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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