ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Is mom expecting too much from son?

August 16, 2010 at 4:15a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: A while ago, my husband, my adult son and I attended a family function in a different city. My husband left for home a day earlier, so my son and I ended up sharing a room. That night there was a party to which he was invited.

I had a wonderful evening on my own. But by 2:30 a.m., my son still had not returned and there were no messages. I texted him, saying I hoped he was not wrapped around a tree. A few minutes later, he replied, saying he was on his way back.

The next morning, he could not understand why I was upset that he didn’t let me know when he planned to come home, nor was he willing to apologize for making me worry.

I think this is a basic lack of courtesy. I think the world of my son. He’s funny, smart, loving and easy to talk with. Am I expecting too much?

Wondering in Santa Fe, N.M.

Dear Santa Fe: No. Although your son is not obligated to tell you his whereabouts on a regular basis, it is a matter of consideration. We’re sure if you explain this to him, he will try harder not to cause needless anxiety to those he cares about.

Dear Annie: My husband’s daughter is gay, and his late uncle, who was like a father to him, was also gay.

My husband’s two sisters ostracized their uncle and have no contact with his daughter, which has created a lot of resentment. My husband has not spoken with his sisters in years, but one sends an annual Christmas card with family photos. They refuse to apologize or change and see no reason to try.

I think deep inside, my husband would like to have a relationship with his sisters. Do you see any hope for this sad state of affairs?

Feeling for Him

Dear Feeling: Your husband has the choice of accepting his sisters as they are or being estranged. Your job is to help him understand this, and then be supportive.

Dear Annie: I read your answer to “Devastated and Frustrated,” whose daughter-in-law treats her like dirt. I don’t understand why you often tell the parents to “play nice.” Why should they? This daughter-in-law is a selfish, passive-aggressive, vindictive person.

My heart goes out to this mother who is unable to visit her grandchildren. Since when is it so bad to drop in on your kids? Yet it’s OK for them to ask for money? The daughter-in-law is doing those grandchildren a disservice by not allowing them to see their grandparents. One day, they will understand that there are two sides to every story. You certainly should have at least told that daughter-in-law to play nice with her husband’s parents.

Mrs. R.

Dear Mrs. R.: The daughter-in-law didn’t write to us. While she is not behaving well, neither is “Devastated.” In order to see those grandchildren, one of them needs to “play nice,” and we can only advise the person who wrote.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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