ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Depressed ‘Tyler’ has her worried

August 15, 2010 at 10:39a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My boyfriend, “Tyler,” and I are both 15. He suffers from depression, and lately it has gotten much worse. He told me he takes many doses of Benadryl each night to help him sleep. He promised he would stop once school was finished, but I can’t be sure he did.

A few nights ago, Tyler admitted he had been stealing alcohol from his parents’ liquor cabinet. He also mentioned that he wanted to try OxyContin and weed to reduce his misery. When I pleaded with him not to do these things, he said he could do whatever he wished and I could not control him.

I know he could feel better in other ways (seeing a therapist, using antidepressants, etc.), and I have mentioned this to him, but he won’t listen. His parents are aware that he is depressed, but don’t know about the alcohol and drug abuse. Should I say something? I am sure they would lock the liquor cabinet and make him see a doctor, but I know Tyler will never speak to me again if I tell them.

I feel overwhelmed and burdened with this knowledge. I want to help Tyler get better in a healthy way, but I don’t feel comfortable going to my parents about this, and it’s stressing me out. Please help.

Scared

Dear Scared: You are smart to see that Tyler is in trouble. His inability to sleep, plus the liquor abuse and hints about OxyContin and pot indicate that Tyler is depressed, stressed and desperate for someone to notice. It would be best if you would talk to your own parents, but if you cannot, then please say something to Tyler’s parents about his increased level of depression. If they do nothing, talk to your school counselor in more detail when school resumes. Tyler may become angry, but you will never forgive yourself if you don’t step in.

Dear Annie: My dad passed away last year. Unfortunately, my sister and I have since become estranged due to disagreements about who should live in the family homestead, whether it should be sold or rented, how to divide the contents of the home (family photographs, jewelry and memorabilia) and actions my sister has taken since Dad passed.

I honestly do not believe we will ever overcome our disagreements. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with this sad situation? I’ve cried buckets and tried to let go of the hurt, but haven’t been able to.

Sad Sis

Dear Sad: Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for the death of a parent to create an estrangement between siblings. Did Dad have an executor? If not, perhaps your sister would be willing to have a mediator or clergyperson work with the two of you. A neutral third party might still be able to help you and your sister resolve these issues with less rancor. However, if there is no way to maintain a relationship, please get some counseling on your own. You are grieving.

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