ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Is church after sister’s money?

August 9, 2010 at 4:07a.m.

By KATHY MITCHELL and MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: My sister, “Elaine,” has terminal cancer. Yesterday, I got a call from someone named “Laura” telling me Elaine had made arrangements to move in with a family from her church. I offered to let her come here and even said she could bring her elderly dog so they could spend her final months together. I was told she only wanted me to take the dog.

This morning, I visited Elaine, who did not appear to be as bad as I had been led to believe. Laura, a member of my sister’s church, was with her. I repeated my offer to take both Elaine and the dog, but was told emphatically that she was staying with a church family.

I am concerned that the “church” has an ulterior motive. What should I do? Elaine is an adult and competent.

Sister in Waiting

Dear Sister: Even if Laura’s motives are to get Elaine’s money for the church, there’s not much you can do if your sister is competent. Can you talk to Elaine? If not and if she is under hospice care, someone from that organization should be visiting regularly, and you can direct your questions to them in person. If Laura is the only one caring for your sister, contact your local Area Agency on Aging or the Eldercare Locator (www.eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116 and ask for assistance.

Dear Annie: I am a 15-year-old girl. My 8-year-old brother, “Andrew,” is autistic, and I am the only person he connects with. Because of this, my mother often gives me responsibility for Andrew. I feel like I have to grow up quickly so I can take care of him. Am I being selfish because I want a life?

Confused in the Country

Dear Confused: Neither. Your mother recognizes that Andrew responds best to you, so she relies on you for his care. But you also are entitled to be 15. That means compromise. Discuss this calmly with Mom. If your school has a counselor, you can use that person as a source of support. You also can find support groups on the Internet and through the Autism Society of America (autism-society.org). Good luck.

Dear Annie: Both my husband and I come from broken homes. In the first year of our son’s life, we made huge efforts to allow our parents into our lives. But my mother associates with a drug-addicted boyfriend and insists on bringing him when she visits.

My mother-in-law has a history of involving the police when she gets into any argument she can’t win. We decided it was better not to have these toxic parents in our child’s life than to spend every moment protecting him.

We know one day our son will ask questions about his grandparents. Meanwhile, we found foster grandparents and connected with many loving relatives.

Parentless Parent

Dear Parents: We understand when grandparents are problematic and visits must be limited or supervised, but we hope you can still maintain some form of contact.

E-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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