His wife controls weekend activities

August 1, 2010 at 9:53a.m.

By KATHY MITCHELL and MARCY SUGAR

Dear Annie: I am a 45-year-old attorney. My wife helped put me through law school. Once we got on our feet, I said she didn’t need to continue working, and she opted to stay home. We do not have children. She pursues her art and education, generally keeps the house clean and does some of the cooking. I think it’s fantastic that she is able to do as she pleases.

The problem is weekend time. I like to use my Saturdays to run errands, hit the mall, go to a library or do other things I cannot do during the week. I’d love to have my wife with me. She, however, wants to get out of the city, go hiking, see nature or take drives on Saturdays.

I can’t run errands on Sundays because in my area, most shops are closed. Sunday is the perfect time for hiking or taking a drive. I’ve asked my wife several times to stay in the city on Saturday, saying we can head out together on Sunday, but she somehow “forgets.” When I insist on staying in town on Saturday, she sulks and says I should “do whatever I want.” Her attitude makes that no fun. I end up looking forward to the next weekend, and then the next and the next, and my frustration is building.

How can I get my wife to understand that I have only one day a week to enjoy my errands and would appreciate her cheerful company?

N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Your wife understands. Shopping and library trips are things she can do during the week. If you go hiking with her on Saturday, she gets your company for the entire weekend and also controls all the activities — to her advantage. Your choices are to continue doing things her way, tell her to have a good time while you run errands on your own, or get into counseling to figure out why she refuses to be more accommodating. We’d try the second option first.

Dear Annie: In my office, we all have different, unconnected job functions. I am usually busy, and when my work is finished, I take a break. I do not disturb anyone else while I go online, take a walk or do some organizing and other things to pass the time until my next assignment.

One of my co-workers makes sarcastic comments about my work ethic. It’s not like I can use my free time to help her, because our jobs are unrelated. The boss knows he can count on me when there is work to be done, but he isn’t going to invent assignments. How do I handle my nosy co-worker, who seems to be watching my every move?

Looking Busy Enough

Dear Looking: Your co-worker is envious that you have finished your work and have time to yourself and she doesn’t. As long as your boss is satisfied, you are under no obligation to please anyone else. You could try “making nice” by offering to bring her a cup of coffee or something along those lines, but otherwise, ignore her barbs. It’s sour grapes and not worthy of a response.

Dear Annie: Like “Arizona,” I, too, am estranged from my daughter. Your advice, as always, is right on the mark, and I hope “Arizona” seeks help.

Canada

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