ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Punctual ‘Erma’ has no empathy

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My wife’s 84-year-old mother lives with us. My wife’s cousin, “Erma,” lives two hours away and occasionally sends letters and newspaper clippings to Mom to keep her updated. Erma is very punctual with cards on special occasions. Mom reciprocates by calling often and sending cards.

Recently, Mom lost her only sibling. Two weeks after the funeral, Erma celebrated her birthday. Mom sent a birthday card, but it was a week late. My wife called Erma to wish her a happy birthday and left a message inviting her to our home for dinner. There was no response.

A few days later, a letter arrived from Erma, saying she was hurt not to receive a birthday card on time. My wife tried to explain that no one forgot her birthday, but circumstances were difficult and an effort was made to celebrate it later. Erma said she “doesn’t believe in late birthday cards,” and that even though she is busy, she always finds time to write to Mom. Isn’t this a petty and childish way to treat an 84-year-old who just lost a family member?

Shocked Hubby

Dear Shocked: You bet. Erma sounds very self-centered and unable to put herself in someone else’s shoes. She can’t help who she is, however, so please let your wife and mother-in-law handle her as they choose.

Dear Annie: I’m a 14-year-old girl, and in my group of friends, there is one girl who never talks. “Nicole” sits at our lunch table because she has nowhere else to go.

The problem is, when we don’t invite her to our outings, she starts to cry. We don’t like including her because she’s no fun. We’ve suggested many solutions, but she always uses the excuse that she’s shy.

Out of Ideas

Dear Out: Talk to your school counselor or a favorite teacher about ways to help Nicole. She obviously has some social issues and has no clue how to behave. She may also have some problems of which you are unaware. Then encourage her to get involved in school activities. Try to teach her how to be the kind of friend you’d want to have around. It means you won’t be sorry later for the way you treated her.

Dear Annie: I wonder about your response to “Deborah in Los Angeles,” whose friend’s kindergartner uses a potty chair in front of company. You said the friend should train her daughter to use the bathroom, but admitted you had laughed. Why?

A 5-year-old has no business using a potty chair at all, nor should she have been allowed to undress herself in front of guests. Why would any parent encourage this? She is in kindergarten and obviously knows how to use the restroom.

Michelle in Baton Rouge, La.

Dear Michelle: We are of the opinion that little kids, in general, are pretty funny, and when one is doing something outrageous, it is better to laugh than cry. But we agree that it’s time this one used the bathroom.

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