ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Return items to end case with Liz

April 24, 2010 at 9:21a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My mother recently decided to sell her house and move into a senior living complex. As a result, she needed to downsize.

My sister, “Liz,” came for a visit and made a list of things she wanted, and not really caring about the material things, I wrote down a few items I wanted as remembrances. Liz decided to ship some of her things back home, and she and my mother gave the rest to my wife. This made my wife feel closer to the family.

At Liz’s next visit, she borrowed my truck, went to a party and drove back intoxicated. When she asked to borrow the truck again, I said no and told her why. She said she wasn’t drunk.

The next day, Liz demanded we return the things she gave my wife. She called again the next night, intoxicated, and demanded that we return the items or pay for them.

We decided to give Liz back the stuff and write her off. But what right does she have to demand that we give back gifts? My mom refuses to get involved, which essentially means she is siding with my sister. My wife is so hurt by this that it has ruined her relationship with my mother. What should we do?

Wronged in South Dakota

Dear S.D.: Liz is punishing you for noticing that she has an alcohol problem. Shame on Mom for not having the courage to tell her daughter to knock it off and get some help. Please explain to her why this is so hurtful. Still, Liz was under no obligation to give you those items, and returning them is the only way for this to end.

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks after Valentine’s Day, which also happens to be my birthday. Our relationship was always a bit rocky, so the split was not a shock. However, my now ex-boyfriend gave me a pair of lovely diamond earrings as a birthday gift — only to ask for them back when he broke up with me.

I was stunned at what I thought was clearly a lack of propriety on his part, but enough of my friends have supported his position that I feel I must seek your help. Tell me, Annie, wasn’t it rude for him to take the earrings back? They were a gift, after all, not a loan.

Samantha

Dear Samantha: Birthday gifts belong to the recipient. However, when a gift is particularly valuable or if it is a family heirloom, it is extremely gracious of the recipient to return it. So although your assumptions are correct, we recommend you take the high road.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Kentucky,” who asked what to do with her mother’s custom-made wedding dress, which she also wore at her own wedding. She assumed neither of her sons would want to give it to their brides, since her own marriage to their father ended in divorce.

If “Kentucky” can stand to have her wedding dress cut up, I’m sure it would make a beautiful bassinet cover or christening gown for her future grandchildren.

Practical in Peoria

Dear Practical: What a lovely and useful idea. Thanks for sending it on.

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