ANNIE’S MAILBOX: Pregnant teen seeks answers

April 17, 2010 at 12:00a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am 17. Last year, I got into a relationship with “Jeremy,” who was 19. He was my first boyfriend. Our relationship got serious pretty fast. After six months of being together, I got pregnant. I am five months along.

Jeremy just lost his job and doesn’t seem to be trying to get a new one. He says I need to get a job first. I’ve been trying to find work, but even though I have my diploma, most places want you to be 18. Jeremy says he can’t find employment because he’s a 20-year-old dropout with no GED.

What should I do? We are both jobless and living with parents.

Frustrated Teen Mom in Omaha

Dear Teen: Letters like yours make us sad. Too many teenage girls romanticize having a baby and believe it will bring them a stable, loving family. The reality is, the boy is invariably too young and immature to provide any stability and often resents being “trapped.” If you decide to keep the baby, Jeremy is legally responsible for child support, and you should encourage his participation in the child’s life. But please don’t count on him to take care of you. Are your parents supportive? Will they help raise the baby? You can find prenatal care and counseling through Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org) at (800) 230-PLAN ([800] 230-7526).

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Happy and Sad in Oklahoma,” whose wife has “checked out” of their sex life at age 48. He said their counselor told him it was unrealistic to expect an exciting and fulfilling sex life at this age.

I applaud you for saying the counselor is wrong. It is indeed possible to have a loving, connected, meaningful sex life after menopause, but it takes commitment and work from both partners. The best therapist for this sometimes-challenging work is a board-certified sex therapist. Please advise “Happy and Sad” to go to the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (aasect.org) to find one in their area.

Andrea Mattisen-Haskins, LICSW BCD, AASECT Diplomate of Sex Therapy, AASECT Supervisor

Dear Andrea Mattisen-Haskins: Thanks for your response. Read on:

From Chicago: When I was 48, I had the same response to sex. I was indifferent at best and mildly repulsed at worst. The year I turned 50, my sex drive returned full force. We had sex every day. What was the catalyst? The kids got married, my parents passed away after long illnesses, I finally hit five weeks of vacation at my job, and we got a cleaning lady. I had time to myself for the first time in 20 years. Fortunately, my sweet husband gave me a free pass on those years when I was an Ice Princess. God bless him.

Texas: Why is it the woman who needs fixing? This is a normal process of life. Why should she introduce chemicals into her body to improve her libido? Men shouldn’t be dosed with chemicals, either, just to satisfy their egos. They need to accept the effects of menopause as part of nature and encourage all the other ways to enjoy life together.

Creators Syndicate