ANNIE'S MAILBOX: Mom isn't blameless in rift

April 14, 2010 at 4:16a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Ever since my son met his wife 12 years ago, he has allowed her and her family to insult me. For example, her family had a party for my grandson’s first birthday at their home and included the entire family, plus my ex-husband and his fifth wife. I wasn’t invited. They did have a second, tiny party so I could take my grandson a birthday present.

They live 45 minutes away, and I am not permitted to stop and visit. I must call with a specific date and time, and my son will call back after he has checked to see if it is OK.

Two years ago, I had triple-bypass surgery two days before Easter. My son and daughter-in-law stopped by the hospital to visit, and her parents called and said to hurry up because they were holding Easter dinner.

They have Caller ID, and my daughter-in-law never picks up. Yet I do get calls from them when they want money. I posted a comment on Facebook directed at my son. Her aunt had the nerve to respond, so I wrote back that she should MYOB. Now my son says I am not allowed to see the grandkids or come to their house. How do I deal with this?

Devastated and Frustrated

Dear Devastated: We realize you don’t have a great relationship with your daughter-in-law, and although much of that may be her fault, you are not blameless. No one should drop in on the kids without calling first. Any comment posted on Facebook is fair game, and telling her aunt to MYOB was asking for trouble. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, Mom. Stop looking for reasons to be angry. Find something to like about this woman and focus on it. Apologize for upsetting her. Respect their privacy. Play nice.

Dear Annie: My father recently died of cancer. At the interment, my husband’s uncle was visiting a grave at the same cemetery. When he saw us, he interrupted the service to argue with the funeral director because my father was not from this state and “Uncle Buck” felt Dad was taking a space that should go to a resident. As the funeral director was guiding my mother to my father’s grave, Buck stepped between them. Afterward, he stood glaring and shaking his head. I am hurt and angry. Am I wrong?

Still Grieving

Dear Still: Uncle Buck was amazingly insensitive and rude. Even if the cemetery has a provision to give preferential treatment to local residents, he should have had the decency to discuss it after the service.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “At My Wits’ End,” whose daughter has bipolar disorder, but her husband “doesn’t believe it’s a true illness.” Please inform her that the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers family support groups, a free 12-week family-to-family education course and a free six-week NAMI basics course (the latter for parents and other caregivers of children living with a mental illness). To find out if these programs are offered in her area, she can check nami.org and click on “Support and Programs.”

Guy Beales, President, NAMI North Central Massachusetts, Board of Directors

Creators Syndicate