ANNIE'S MAILBOX: It's time to wake up: He's not leaving her

April 7, 2010 at 4:10a.m.

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: For the past two years, I have dated an older married man who works at my office. I started seeing him after my husband and I split up.

Our time together is limited. He comes over to my house once or twice during the week and spends time with me every other weekend when my kids are with their father. We are in contact by cell phone, and I text him. We are never together in public unless it is out of town.

My problem is, he has told me he will leave his wife, but he hasn’t yet. I feel like I have wasted these past two years. Should I give up?

P.H.

Dear P.H.: Wake up, honey. He’s not planning to leave his wife for you. He has a sweet deal on the side, and you put up with it. Yes, you have wasted two years. Please don’t waste any more.

Dear Annie: I respect and love my ex-brother-in-law, “Joe.”

I am a carpenter’s apprentice with excellent skills. Joe, along with several family members, called and asked for my help with repairs on his home so that he could receive family and friends after his second wife died last year.

I agreed, for a fee, but didn’t specify the price. I told him I’d leave that up to him. The repairs were extensive. I fixed two roofs and the interior ceiling, replaced shingles, patched many holes, put up window coverings and painted most of the interior.

Knowing that this is my livelihood and I am out of work, I expected to hear from Joe when I finished. I gave him a two-month grace period before I mentioned the money. He responded as if I were being disrespectful of the dead. Do I sue him for the repairs or let it go?

Sick and Tired in Connecticut

Dear Sick and Tired: Would you rather have the money or the relationship? We’ll assume your ex-brother-in-law is still grieving the loss of his wife and was not thinking clearly. Since you never specified a price, he apparently thought you had done those repairs out of the kindness of your heart. We hope he will agree to give you something for your hard work, but the only way to maintain the friendship is to chalk this one up to experience.

Dear Annie: Your advice to “Out-of-Space Mom,” whose grown daughter lives in another country but left her stuff at Mom’s house, was on target, but it needs one more step. Mom should tell her daughter that she will pay for six months of storage and then she will call Goodwill to come pick it up. Simply discontinuing the payments will result in nothing but hassle for Mom, in whose name the stuff will be stored and who will have to keep paying or suffer through collection efforts by the storage unit owner.

I’d make this a one-step process for Mom by packing up the stuff and telling the daughter that on moving day it is going out the door, unless the daughter has made arrangements.

N.C. Lawyer

Dear Lawyer: Your solution is much more definitive. Thank you for cleaning up after us.

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