Mother-in-law’s boyfriend offends her

Dear Annie: My father-in-law died last year, and within two months of his passing, my mother-in-law began dating a man I have come to dislike.

“Nick” (the boyfriend) drinks incessantly, is obnoxious, curses every chance he gets and is also a racist. He says sexually explicit things to my mother-in-law when my kids are within earshot.

Nick recently lost his job and now lives off my mother-in-law, who constantly buys him beer and cigarettes. I don’t want to go over to her house any longer. I have expressed my concerns about having our children around Nick to my husband, but he says I’m being “uptight,” so nothing has changed. Am I wrong to want to steer clear of Nick? Offended Daughter-in-Law

Dear D-I-L: A responsible parent does not put her children in situations that are repugnant to her. Limit your time around Nick, but try to find a way to let the kids be with their grandmother when Nick will not be present. Keep in mind that while Nick can be a temporary influence, what you teach your children will carry infinitely more weight than anything he says or does.

Dear Annie: My sister, a law student, told me she could use her law school’s computer database to look up personal information on anyone, including me. She said she could find addresses, Social Security numbers, credit info, etc.

I’m very angry. My sister, by the way, is a horrible person. She’s selfish, jealous and unbelievably competitive, and turns every family get-together into a power struggle. She mocks me in public at every opportunity.

I’m wondering whether I should speak to her school’s ethics department. I know the school takes these things very seriously, and if they find out, it could really mess up her career. Reporting her threats might actually be doing her a favor. She might get suspended and have to find a less lucrative job. Maybe it will teach her a lesson.

I’m not worried that she’ll never speak to me again because we absolutely hate each other. My parents are afraid of her. What do you think? Had Enough Sister

Dear Had Enough: Other than taunting you, your sister is not actually doing anything wrong. A great deal of information is available in various public databases if you know where to look (although it is highly unlikely she can find Social Security numbers).

It’s a shame that you and your sister are so determined to hurt each other. When the sister-bond works, it provides a lifelong support system. Please stop looking for ways to make her life miserable. It won’t make things any better for you.

Dear Annie: This is for “Burned Out,” who has been married for 35 years to a bitter, emotionally distant man, but doesn’t want to leave.

I speak from experience. She needs to get a parallel life. Her children are gone, and her husband is no friend. She ought to think of what would be fun — maybe a class at the local junior college or park district where she can meet other students. Or she could take an arts and crafts class, or one in cooking or flower arranging. If she needs to stay in touch with her husband, she should get a cell phone.

When you interact with like-minded people, you complement one another, as you are all trying your best to accomplish something. Perhaps one of those classes will include a day’s excursion or a weekend seminar. Her chamber of commerce might have information. The last time I went back to school, I was 73 and I wasn’t the oldest. Good luck. Enjoying Life

Dear Enjoying: It sounds like you have found a way to lead an extremely fulfilling life. Thanks for the wonderful suggestions.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Creators Syndicate