Teen with abusive mother needs to reach out

Dear Annie: I’m 15 years old, and for my whole life, my mother has been emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me. I’m constantly scared of when she’s going to start screaming. Every time anyone tries to confront her, she gets extremely defensive and starts yelling about how the whole world is against her and everything is the fault of her horrible, ungrateful daughter.

Of course, my brother is perfect in her eyes. He was recently given a kitten, which my mother now views as being the greatest thing since sliced bread. When I try to talk to her about anything, her attention quickly diverts to the cat and she completely ignores me. I’ve given up trying to have a normal mother-daughter relationship, because every time I attempt to confide in her, she starts laughing and completely belittles whatever concerns I might have.

I know I am depressed, but I’m not going to talk to her about it. I’ve tried speaking to my dad, but nothing he says has helped, and I think he’s given up. Every day, it gets harder for me to continue living. I’ve already attempted suicide once before. I seem to be running out of options. Please help. Miserable and Motherless

Dear Miserable: You need to talk to someone. While mother-daughter relationships can be wonderful, sometimes things become fractious, competitive and filled with resentment, particularly during adolescence. It doesn’t mean it will always be this way, but it can be hard to navigate the rough patches, and abuse should not be tolerated. Please talk to your school counselor and ask for help. You also can discuss the situation with other relatives, perhaps a grandparent or aunt, or the mother of your best friend. Reaching out to others will make you feel less alone. Please find someone to talk to today.

Dear Annie: I am a 22-year-old college student and recently got a job at a restaurant in my small town. In the short time I’ve been working there, I’ve acquired a regular who often gets seated in my section.

“Nate” is in his 40s and has some small mental disabilities. My co-workers dismiss him because he tips poorly, but he’s always been nice to me.

A co-worker recently told me that Nate has been coming in multiple times a week, sometimes twice a day, and asks to be seated in my section. Apparently, he’s developed a crush on me. One day he even sent me flowers at work.

My boss has decided that Nate will no longer be seated where I can serve him, and to be honest, I’m kind of relieved. I worry his crush could turn into a very bad situation. I know I should confront Nate about it, but I’m unsure how. Worried Waitress in Indiana

Dear Indiana: You don’t need to confront Nate. You need to have less contact with him. Your boss has seen to it that you are no longer serving his table. If Nate continues to send flowers or otherwise attempts to engage you in a more personal relationship, then you will need to explain to him (in the restaurant) that you think he’s a nice customer but you aren’t interested in him that way and your friendliness is just part of your job. (And be slightly less friendly.)

Dear Annie: Boy, did you miss the boat on the letter from “New Homeowners,” who said she and her boyfriend wanted to have a housewarming party but avoid gifts. That was the perfect time to suggest donations to a local food bank, charity, women’s shelter, etc. Turning a joyous celebration into a giving celebration is a wonderful thing. Valparaiso, Ind.

Dear Valparaiso: She wasn’t actually trying to avoid gifts. She was trying to get gift cards to a specific store. However, you are absolutely right that a charitable donation would have been a more magnanimous idea. Thanks for suggesting it.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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