Strangeness of school friend bothers classmate

Dear Annie: I am worried about a boy in my class. It is clear that besides me, “Jonathan” has no real friends. Just about every other kid in school has labeled him a weirdo. He sort of adopted me the first day of school, and now he won’t let me sit with anyone else at lunch and wants to do all our school projects together.

I’m glad he thinks of me as a friend, but I want to spend time with my real friends, too, and Jonathan doesn’t give me a lot of breathing room. I don’t know how to tell him I need space. I’m afraid he’ll go right over the edge or something. Lately he has become even stranger than usual, and I feel guilty that I’m ashamed to hang around him. Please help. Stuck

Dear Stuck: It is natural for you to feel suffocated when someone hovers. However, it sounds as if Jonathan may have Asperger’s syndrome or some developmental issues that contribute to his social awkwardness. First talk to the school counselor or one of his teachers about how to deal with Jonathan. It might help to gently explain when his behavior is unacceptable so he can learn to do better. The fact that he’s become stranger than usual bothers us, so please talk to someone.

Dear Annie: My husband is a great father and a wonderful provider. He cooks dinner four times a week, empties the dishwasher, vacuums and does all the yard work. He’s home every night and does everything he can to make my life simple and relaxed. Sex is great. And he can be romantic.

However, he is on his gazillionth affair. He used to blame the affairs on me, saying I wasn’t attentive enough, he couldn’t talk to me, sex wasn’t fulfilling, etc. Then he began blaming it on his own problems — girls rejected him in high school, he was bored. Now he says he craves the forbidden element. And he likes to relive those moments when we’re intimate because he’s getting older and can’t always “perform” the way he wants to.

When I find out about the affair, he first begs for mercy and forgiveness and then becomes the most compassionate, attentive man any woman would die to have. I’m weak, I admit it. A few weeks of Mr. Nice Guy, and I’m falling into his arms again. But soon enough, the suspicious activities begin and I’m a wreck.

I cannot afford to leave. It’s that simple. I don’t want to lose my house, and I don’t want our children to think their father is anything other than wonderful. We’ve been to counseling together and as individuals, and nothing has worked. I’m tired and my health is affected by all the stress. How do I stop the cycle I’m living in? Sad Southern Girl

Dear Sad: You cannot change your husband, so you must change your response. Either leave him, or accept him as he is. Some women purposely ignore a husband’s serial cheating because they value other aspects of the marriage, but it requires steel blinders and an indifferent attitude. And if the only reason you stay is money, there are lawyers who can help you with that. Get a physical to make sure Hubby hasn’t given you an STD, and then make an appointment with an attorney to find out what your financial options are.

Dear Annie: I do not agree with your response to “Mature Citizen,” that it is perfectly normal to fantasize about other partners during sex. That only means they need to better communicate to their partner what turns them on instead of taking a mental leave of absence.

Too many people do not focus on the present experience they are having, but it would substantially increase the pleasure of both partners. Otherwise, as you regularly recommend, they can get professional help. Psychologist in New Mexico

Dear New Mexico: We think after 35 years of marriage, anything that helps keep the spark alive can be a positive thing. But if you can manage to keep your head in the present every time, more power to you.

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