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This ‘Assistant’ could use more on-the-job training
Movie
Cirque du Freak
"Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant," based on the popular series of books by Darren Shan, is a fantasy-adventure about a teenager who unknowingly breaks a 200-year-old truce between two warring factions of vampires. Pulled into a fantastic life of misunderstood sideshow freaks and grotesque creatures of the night, one teen will vanish from the safety of a boring existence and fulfill his destiny in a place drawn from nightmares. Sixteen-year-old Darren was like most kids in his suburban neighborhood. He hung out with his best friend Steve, got decent grades and usually stayed out of trouble. But, when he and his buddy stumble upon a traveling freak show, things begin to change inside Darren. That's the exact moment when a vampire named Larten Crepsley turns him into something, well, bloodthirsty. Newly undead, he joins the Cirque Du Freak, a touring sideshow filled with monstrous creatures from a snakeboy and a wolfman to a bearded lady and a gigantic barker. As Darren flexes his newfound powers in this dark world, he becomes a treasured pawn between the vampires and their deadlier counterparts. And, while trying to survive, one boy will struggle to keep their brewing war from devouring what's left of his humanity.
‘CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE’S ASSISTANT’
Grade: C
Director: Paul Weitz
Running time: 1 hour 47 minutes
Rating: PG-13 for sequences of intense supernatural violence and action, disturbing images, thematic elements and some language
By Roger Moore
The movie’s big drawback is that it isn’t silly enough.
“Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is sort of a “Twilight”-lite. It’s about vampires and it’s about teenagers. But where “Twilight” vamps down Romance Novel Road, “Freak,” based on Darren Shan’s novels, is a lark and in this case, the laughs are intentional.
The movie’s big drawback is that it isn’t silly enough. Chris Massoglia is Darren, a good kid with good parents but a boy under the influence of the classmate his parents call “that damned Steve” (Josh Hutcherson). Steve’s a class-cutting, vandalizing punk who leads Darren away from “the path to a happy, productive life,” or so the parents warn.
Darren should have listened, because when a strange Euro-limo passes through town dropping flyers for “The world’s greatest freak show,” Steve insists they go. And mixed up with the bearded lady (Salma Hayek) and Alexander Ribs (Orlando Jones), there’s a real live vampire. Steve recognizes Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) from his vampire books and is anxious to escape his miserable life by joining the undead. But the guy whose “destiny” it is to join the vampires in their war with the murderous Vampanese is Darren.
Director Paul Weitz (“In Good Company”) and writer Brian Helgeland (“Mystic River”) go for something like a “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” goof on teens dealing with issues of eternal life/eternal damnation. The dialogue lacks the wit of the visuals — chasing a vampire’s trained spider through school is a highlight.
Reilly is well cast as a playful, seen-it-all blood-sucker who explains what awaits Darren if the kid chooses to earn his fangs — “It’s a lonely life, but there’s lots of it.”
A plumped-up Michael Cerveris from TV’s “Fringe” makes a dandy, fey villain, the one playing vampires against one another. The kids aren’t bad, with freak-show member Rebecca (Jessica Carlson) providing the coy teen love interest.
But despite some amusing scenes and “rules” for this vampire world, the script never sinks its teeth into the “Cirque” freaks and never once works up a decent fright.
This “Assistant” could use more on-the-job training.