Friend is concerned about man’s engagement

Dear Annie: My best friend is leaving soon for a vacation in Europe. She has posted on Craigslist, hoping to meet a local person with whom she can enjoy seeing the sights, sharing meals and practicing the language. She’s had several responses, but the one that most appeals to her is from an American man working abroad. They appear to have a lot in common and have established a rapport through e-mails, texts and phone calls. There also seems to be some chemistry, so this could turn into a romantic encounter, as well, and my friend is quite excited about that possibility.

Here’s the catch. This guy is engaged to a woman back in the States. Connecting with him seems wrong on so many levels, but what really concerns me is that my friend is aware of his engagement but still finds him quite appealing and wants to get together.

I’m concerned about her well- being. How can I be supportive and still help? Best Friend

Dear Best Friend: We understand your concern, but this is not something you can control. The best you can do is help your friend realize that if there is a romantic involvement, this man is likely to consider her a temporary fling and nothing more. Then tell her you want her to be safe, and as with any such liaison, ask her to give you the man’s contact information just in case, and let him know that she has done so. The rest is up to her.

Dear Annie: Oh, my. I enjoy your column, and this is the first time I have taken offense to one of your replies.

“New Bride” was offended by her future stepdaughter’s bridal-shower gift. Giving a size 4 thong to a woman who wears a plus size is neither amusing nor racy. It is highly impolite behavior from a 35-year-old. While I agree that the marriage is taking place too soon after the first wife died, and that “New Bride” bears some responsibility for the animosity because she was living with the father while he was still married, the stepdaughter’s communication approach leaves much to be desired.

I am often appalled that our society sees ridiculing obesity as an acceptable prejudice. You have the power to steer us away from such grade-school behaviors. I suspect that your answer was due to your assumption that “New Bride” is no grand communicator herself, but that was not at all clear. It just sounded like you thought she should treat her 35-year-old stepdaughter with “a little more sensitivity” when she is behaving like a teenage brat. Forgive my righteous rant. Mir

Dear Mir: You are forgiven. We don’t think the stepdaughter’s gift was appropriate at all. However, we believe “New Bride” should have deliberately chosen to respond as if it were simply racy as opposed to offensive. For an insult like this, pretending to be oblivious allows the relationship to recover before irreparable harm is done.

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