His girlfriend, ‘Tanya,’ has OCD and needs help

Dear Annie: I’ve been with my girlfriend for more than 15 years and truly love her. “Tanya” is smart, sexy and great to be around, and is an excellent mother figure to my 5-year-old daughter. The problem? She is a complete slob when it comes to cleaning our small apartment. She refuses to pick up her clothes from the floor in our bedroom. I can’t even tell what’s clean or dirty.

This has been going on for years. When I say, “Please pick up your clothes and put them away in your dresser,” she always comes up with an excuse for why she hasn’t and then doesn’t do it anyway. She not only has piles of clothes in our bedroom, she has at least 10 big bags of stuff in her son’s room. Now my daughter is learning to throw everything on the floor. It’s become so bad that my parents will not come over to our house.

Tanya has clothes that are 10 years old and no longer fit. Her relatives have told me numerous times, “If you find her stuff on the floor, just throw it out.” I am the complete opposite. I am as neat as possible and never leave a mess. After I work a 13-hour shift, I’m the one who has to pick up the mess and wash a sink full of dirty dishes. I pay all the bills and feel it’s unfair that she won’t even do her part around the house.

Tanya collects so much junk that it’s driving me nuts, and she wonders why I haven’t married her after all these years. I want to purchase my first home soon, but there’s no way I can live with her. She knows this, and still there is no change. I feel the only way out is to pay child support and leave — and once I walk out, I’m not coming back. She reads your column daily. Please tell her. Need Help in Southern California

Dear Need Help: Tanya has an obsessive-compulsive disorder. She hoards junk and it causes her tremendous anxiety to move it around or get rid of it. This doesn’t mean you have to put up with it, however. Insist that she get professional help as a condition of your staying. Contact the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org), P.O. Box 961029, Boston, MA 02196.

Dear Annie: I just moved to Kentucky and have heard a term here that I never heard before: “double buckle.” It means parents secure two or more children in one seat belt. I was shocked. These are well-meaning, educated adults who believe this practice is harmless.

Please educate your readers on the harm this can cause. Could you get some feedback from the police or fire department? In Shock in Kentucky

Dear Kentucky: It is both illegal and extremely dangerous to buckle more than one person into a single seat belt. In even a minor collision, two children can bang into each other, causing serious or fatal head injury. According to Sherry Bray, Office of Public Affairs, Kentucky State Police Headquarters, motorists will be ticketed if more than one child is secured in the same seat belt. They encourage the public to report such violations to their toll-free number at (888) 235-8KID ([888] 235-8543).

Dear Annie: “Restless and Waiting” said her amazing boyfriend has started and stopped numerous careers. She is probably right that he has ADD.

My daughter was a brilliant student in high school and went to a prestigious college. Within a year, she began to get average and then poor grades. After a 7-year college “career” that included academic suspensions, changes in majors and interests, and turmoil in her family and social lives, she was finally diagnosed with ADD.

After some trial and error, she was put on the proper medication, and miraculous results ensued. She was able to stay focused enough to return to college, where she finished with excellent grades and immediately got a great job. I hope this helps. B.T.

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