College friend needs chance to show change

Dear Annie: An old problem keeps popping up, and I would appreciate some advice. When I was in college, I was good friends with “Carrie,” another fairly liberal thinker. When Carrie met my long-term boyfriend, she was rather intoxicated and said some hurtful things about him. He is a clean-cut, conservative-looking guy. Carrie went on and on about how she couldn’t believe I would date a frat boy, what did I see in him, that I was better than that, etc.

Carrie apologized the next day, and I accepted and thought that was the end of it. I married the boyfriend and still keep in touch with Carrie. But even after two years, I cannot shake the things she said. I know her well enough to realize that while she was sorry, she meant every word.

Carrie has asked to visit a couple of times, and I keep making excuses because it would be uncomfortable. (My husband, obviously, is not crazy about her.) I know her loose tongue was a result of the drinking and she did apologize, but I can’t forget the incident. When she tries to “make nice” regarding my husband, it makes me cringe. What should I say when she tells me she’d like to come and stay with us? Confused Since College

Dear Confused: A person’s opinion is not written in concrete. Even if Carrie meant those words at the time, it doesn’t mean she still feels that way, and you are not giving her the opportunity to show you if she’s had a change of heart. Before inviting Carrie to visit, have a frank discussion. Tell her you are still bothered by those comments about your husband and, because you value the friendship so highly, would like to clear the air. See what she says before checking her off your guest list.

Dear Annie: My mom is going out with a nice guy. I respect him, but sometimes it feels like she hangs out with him and ignores my brother and me. Two weeks ago, she was out doing stuff with him while my brother and I were at the house totally bored. She asked if we wanted to go with them, but I was half-asleep because I had been to a dance and had to get up early.

The next day, I brought it up, and she said she knew how we felt and didn’t care. That really hurt. Then we started yelling at each other and got into the biggest fight we’ve had in a long time. I feel like the third wheel, and something needs to change. I don’t know what I’m going to do if they get married. Helpless Daughter

Dear Daughter: Your mother shouldn’t neglect you, but it is not her job to entertain you, either. Kids who grow up in single-parent homes often feel proprietary toward their parents and become jealous of suitors. But one of these days, you and your brother will be out of the house, and it is rather selfish to expect Mom to remain alone. She is trying to include you in her activities, and you should do your best to participate. If you find yourself fighting a lot with her, you might consider discussing it with your school counselor, favorite relative or best friend’s mother.

Dear Annie: Thank you for informing “Grossed Out in Kentucky” that the chances of contracting genital herpes from a counter clerk at a fast-food restaurant were slim to none, and that he should stop treating her as a pariah.

Perhaps the writer could let us know where he works so the rest of us can avoid the much more contagious and serious diseases of Misinformationitis and Acute Bigotry Disorder (sometimes known as Holier Than Thou Syndrome). Absolutely Amazed at the Audacity in Sarasota, Fla.

Dear Amazed: Touch .

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