Tough economy can hurt family

Don’t let your circumstances injure your relationships.

mcclatchy newspapers

Are you caught up in the economic squeeze affecting the country?

Have you lost your job? Is your home slated for foreclosure?

As you see tidal waves of stress coming your way, try to think and act in ways that keep your family close and bonded.

Lots of couples divorce when times are hard. Families can dissolve.

Don’t let your circumstances injure your family relationships.

“I could envision my mother killing me,” says a man we’ll call Devon. “I was forced to ask her if I could move back into her home along with my wife and kids. We’d lost our jobs and house.”

Thankfully, Devon’s mother did not hold his bad luck against him.

“My mother is so great!” says Devon. “She sat us all down and told us not to feel bad. She kept telling us everything was going to be fine.”

Here’s how Devon’s family coped:

UThey laid out exact plans. Devon and his wife created realistic job search plans, made a chore list for everybody, and told Devon’s mother how much they could contribute financially.

UThey gave themselves time. Devon and his wife both took part-time jobs. They knew they would each need months to land good jobs. They didn’t delude themselves about how hard things would be.

UThey enjoyed the togetherness. Multigenerational families can either get on each others’ nerves or make the most of it. Devon’s family tried to do low-cost fun activities as a group to keep their spirits up.

“I wanted to pull my hair out at first,” says Devon, “but I knew we had to balance the madness with something enjoyable. So, we all attended church together, played board games, and watched our favorite movies at home.”

If you are down on your luck, you do need to make practical decisions. However, if you focus on the control you have, you will survive and get back on your feet.

Remember, for instance, that couples argue more when they don’t have a mutual plan in place. If money is tight and life looks impossible, it’s important to sit down together and figure out how to find resources.

However you decide to cope with pressures of economic loss, keep in mind that these tips can help:

UDon’t panic. You will feel very anxious and depressed, but try not to allow fear to overtake you. Fear blocks productive thinking.

UReach out to others. Ask your friends and family to offer ideas. Ask them to allow you to bounce ideas off them.

UStay objective. Pretend your problem belongs to a friend. Distance yourself from the problem by imagining what you’d tell somebody else to do in your situation.

UTry to stay clear-headed during bad times. Sacrifice possessions or anything you have to, but preserve your family. Nothing is more important than that.

Consider John and Amy. Both of them lost their jobs, exhausted their credit cards to survive, and got behind in their mortgage payments.

“We had to think fast!” says John. “We were up against the wall!”

John decided to take a job out of town as a truck driver. Amy then invited her sister to move in to help with the kids.

“My sister helped me to think about how to raise cash,” says Amy. “I had one week to raise $1,400 to pay the mortgage. So, I sold an old car we had that once belonged to my father, borrowed on our life insurance policies, and auctioned off my good china on the Internet.”