It’s time to throw freeloaders out of the house

Dear Annie: My husband and I bought our first house just over a year ago and have had several roommates. Now two of them don’t have jobs, nor do they pay rent.

My husband’s brother, “Daniel,” and his girlfriend, “Kathy,” have been living with us for seven months. Kathy never had a job and Daniel quit his soon after they moved in. Since then, neither has actively searched for employment.

We pay all the household expenses, including cable, water, electricity, Internet, etc. At first, their slacking didn’t bother me because they cleaned the house while my husband and I were at work. But now they won’t wash a dish or push a vacuum. In fact, they don’t bother to come out of their bedroom until I’ve finished the chores. They will not lift a finger unless I tell them to and then stand over them. If my husband asks, they blow it off.

I feel taken advantage of. My husband issued an ultimatum that they’d have to find a new place to live if they were still unemployed by February, but nothing came of it. What makes this worse is that my husband recently lost his job and I’ve been supporting all four of us. My husband is actively looking for work, but even with the house on the line, it hasn’t motivated my brother-in-law and his girlfriend.

I have brought home job applications, but I can’t take time off to make sure they’re actually following through. How do I get these adults to stop acting like children? Not Their Mother

Dear Not Mom: Throw them out. It’s the only way they will ever grow up. As the current sole breadwinner, you should have the final say on the family budget and it shouldn’t include freeloaders. You’ve been more than generous with Daniel and Kathy. Now they need some “tough love.” Give them one month to find a place of their own, and then pack their bags, change the locks and wish them well.

Dear Annie: My husband and I recently retired to a large community where many of the folks own pets.

Cat owners permit their cats to jump all over their kitchen countertops and even the table. Dog owners allow their animals to scratch your legs and get hair all over your new outfit, and all they say is, “He’ll calm down after awhile,” which never happens. And some of their homes smell.

We want to make new friends but need them to understand we don’t enjoy their dogs jumping all over when we arrive with dishes in our hands. If I owned a dog, I would absolutely be considerate enough to put the animal where it won’t disturb anyone when guests come. Where is common sense these days? Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: You need to be very direct: Tell these people their animals make you uncomfortable and ask that they please put them in another room. If they are unwilling, the only way to maintain a friendship is to socialize outside their homes.

Dear Annie: I read with considerable shock your response to “Lonely in Connecticut,” who was distressed by the prospect of enduring many future years of a sexless marriage with her terminally ill husband. You said she shouldn’t have an affair. Don’t impose your moral standards on her.

The need for loving attention and intimate physical contact, which may be the most comforting aspects, can hardly be met by the lonely act of masturbation. Yes, there are potential costs — the stress of an intimate friendship outside the marriage and the risk of emotional involvement. But you should not so flippantly throw out the possible benefits of an understanding affair in helping this woman cope with the loneliness she faces. Concerned in Montreal

Dear Montreal: People who are comfortable having affairs don’t generally write to ask our opinion. There are ways to find intimacy with a spouse who cannot have sex, but both have to be willing to work on it.

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