Husband’s fantasies shock wife of 16 years

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married 16 years and own a business together. I recently discovered that he has been having sexual fantasies regarding three of our employees. These are all married women who work in the office.

A month ago, I found something unimaginable on his desk. He had written separate notes to each of these female employees, outlining his inner feelings and saying he’d love to date them all individually.

I have not confronted him about what I discovered. Should I? I’m basically very shocked. We’ve been almost inseparable for 18 years. Stunned Wife

Dear Stunned: Most men have fantasies, even about women they work with, but that doesn’t mean your husband will act on his. The letters may have been a way to get them out of his head, and leaving them on his desk indicates he wanted you to know. Use this as an opportunity to talk about your relationship. Tell him what you found, ask him why he wrote the letters, and see if you can nip trouble in the bud.

Dear Annie: With the summer months coming up, some people are planning their vacations now. Please settle this debate.

Five working adults share the cost of a vacation cottage, four of whom are couples. There are three bedrooms. How is the price of the rental divided? Being the sole bachelor, I think the total should be divided by five. Last year, the couples arranged it so I paid a third of the total. They divide the cost by the number of bedrooms.

I think each of the vacationers is enjoying everything the property offers: kitchen, appliances, games, bathrooms, TVs, stereos, DVD player, sun deck, etc. We also each contribute to the cost of utilities. All of those expenses are considered in calculating the value of a vacation rental property.

I plan to insist that the cost be shared equally this summer. However, I’d like your input. Beach Bum

Dear Beach Bum: Sharing a room is usually less valuable than having a room to oneself — unless you are a couple, in which case, sharing a room is preferable. That means you should pay one-third the cost of the bedrooms and one-fifth the cost of everything else. If that is too difficult to assess, we recommend dividing everything by five and then you throw in a little extra.

Dear Annie: I want to comment on the letter from “Feeling Hurt and Lost in Kapolei,” who has been caring for her mother for five years, but Mom gives her and the grandchildren a hard time.

About three years ago, my mother started becoming confused and unable to focus. She would sometimes lash out at my father no matter how hard he tried to please her. At my cousin’s suggestion, I had my mother evaluated for Alzheimer’s. After a series of tests and interviews with Mom, me and the two of us together, she was found to be in the first stage of Alzheimer’s disease.

She has been on Aricept ever since, and it has helped slow the progression of the disease enough to enable her to continue daily tasks. I have also found great support and understanding in a local Alzheimer’s support group and the occasional meetings in our area of the National Alzheimer’s Foundation.

Please tell “Feeling Hurt” to have her mother tested and, if necessary, put on medication. It could make a world of difference. Burlington, Vt.

Dear Burlington: Thanks for the excellent suggestion. Readers can get more information through The Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) at 1-800-272-3900.

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