Despite protection, she acquired an STD

Dear Annie: I am a 22-year-old single woman and was in an exclusive relationship with “Matt” for six months. We always used protection whenever we were intimate. Last December, he suddenly stopped seeing me and wouldn’t return my calls.

I dealt with the breakup as best I could. However, at my recent annual doctor’s visit, I was shocked to learn I had an STD. How could this be? Matt and I always used condoms, and I wasn’t with anyone else before and haven’t been since.

Please explain how this could have happened. Devastated on Staten Island, New York

Dear New York: While condoms are very effective, they are not foolproof and on rare occasion have been known to break and leak. Also, STDs can be transmitted through oral sex, and some can be spread through any contact with an infected area.

The important thing is that you be treated promptly. For more information, contact the American Social Health Association (ashastd.org) at (800) 227-8922.

Dear Annie: Last August, I gave birth to my daughter, Anna. I found out during my seventh month of pregnancy that Anna had a severe brain disorder and, at best, would be severely handicapped. I carried to term, but sadly, Anna died two days after she was born.

I occasionally mention to people that I had a daughter, and when they find out the details it’s as if they write it off because she only lived for two days. My own family has ignored her existence. My sister commented over Christmas that she had forgotten I’d had a daughter.

I don’t know how to respond to these people. My daughter was important to me. Is it wrong to want her to be important to other people, as well? Denise in Rochester, N.Y.

Dear Denise: It’s not wrong, but you are expecting too much to think others must care as much as you do. You bonded with Anna for your entire pregnancy. Others knew her for a much briefer time. When a child dies, especially so soon after birth, many people have no idea how to deal with it and they minimize the tragedy because it is easier to process. They don’t truly understand your loss.

If you have not had some type of memorial service, please consider it. And we recommend you contact SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support (nationalshareoffice.com) at (800) 821-6819. Our condolences.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Dad’s Crazy,” whose newly divorced father plans to let a young woman move in with him.

Her 52-year-old father is now single and his children are grown. While newly divorced women might take time before dating again, men who become single need to feel we can still attract a woman. We tend to rush into intimate relationships much sooner. We can also enjoy this time without the guilt factor of thinking we are cheating.

I hope she won’t be too hard on her dad. He still loves her and his grandson, but has to deal with his divorce in his own way, which will most definitely be different from that of her mom. This young woman may be the best thing that’s happened to Dad in a long time, even if she isn’t in it for the long haul. And I hope “Dad’s Crazy” will let her father know she still loves him, whether or not she agrees with all his new choices. A Man’s Point of View

Dear Man: Thanks to all our male readers who wrote to share a man’s perspective. We, too, hope his daughter can be forgiving.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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