Is her friend ‘James’ gay, or really interested?

Dear Annie: I enjoy reading your column, and now it is finally my turn to write. I am a 19-year-old female. My best friend is “James,” who is gay. We’ve been friends for nearly four years and spend a lot of time together. Additionally, we trust each other completely and tell each other absolutely everything.

I have noticed that when James introduces me to his other friends, he refers to me as his “wiffy.” He will blow off plans with his friends to be with me. He spoils me rotten by buying me things, including clothes and purses, and driving me wherever I want to go, at any time. And this is upon his insistence.

On my last birthday, I got a surprise visit from an ex-boyfriend. I told James about it, and he admitted he was jealous. He then became very curious about how far I’d ever gone with a guy. In a different discussion, he said, “I’m so glad I met you. You changed my life. It’s very rare to find anyone like you, and I mean it. Your love is exactly what I am looking for.”

I often get compliments from him about my looks, and he brags about me to his friends. James also apparently decided that he wants to transfer to my college and move into an apartment with me. He is very protective, and sometimes it almost seems he acts like I’m his girlfriend. I have hinted at this a few times and asked whether he views me as someone he would want to date, and his answers are a little murky.

James had a boyfriend, but they broke up several months ago. I wouldn’t trade this friendship for anything in the world, and I love him dearly regardless of his sexual orientation. But I can’t help wondering if he’s actually interested in me. What do you think? Purple Maryland

Dear Maryland: James may be confused about his sexuality and sending mixed signals. It’s also possible you are misinterpreting his affection for you as something more. Are you interested in him as a boyfriend? If so, you need him to clarify his intentions. If not, consider him to have no ulterior motive and simply accept that he likes you and wants to be involved in your life.

Dear Annie: This event has not happened yet, but I would like to know the answer before it does. My ex-husband left after 36 years of marriage. We divorced and he has since remarried. As he is the father of my children, would it be good manners for me to go to the funeral home when he dies? Just Curious

Dear Curious: Only if it would not upset his wife. If your children would like you to be there to support them, they should ask their stepmother if she would mind.

Dear Annie: I enjoy your column, but feel you missed the mark in your response to “Not a Mentor,” the 14-year-old girl who said her friend copies everything she does, but isn’t as talented.

My daughter also has a friend who follows her around and attempts to engage in whatever activities my daughter is doing. I don’t believe the issue is that her friend isn’t as adept, but rather that the friend smothers her with attention, which is strangling, thereby putting stress on the friendship.

I told my daughter that above all else she needed to be kind, but that she also needed to be honest and talk to her friend and let her know how difficult it is to be a constant mentor and that she needs some space. It has been a trial for my daughter, but little by little, her friend is learning to understand. Mom of Teenage Girl

Dear Mom: We’re not sure the circumstances are the same, but we admire the way you and your daughter are handling her situation. Thanks for sharing.

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