Children are the real victims of reality TV

By NEAL JUSTIN

Willow Palin needs your help. Thousands of viewers expressed outrage recently when David Letterman cracked jokes about Eliot Spitzer and Alex Rodriguez taking runs at the Alaska governor’s daughter.

The “Late Show” host insists that he was referring to 18-year-old Bristol Palin, not her 14-year-old sister, but that didn’t calm the angry masses who accused Letterman of being the most despicable pedophile since Humbert Humbert lusted after Lolita.

I believe Letterman when he says he never meant to target Willow — he’s apologized on the air twice — but I also believe that people are genuinely protective of a girl who, through no fault of her own, has been thrust into the public spotlight and exposed to potential attack. I just wish those critics had the same concerns about the young victims of another criminal offense: reality shows.

I’m referring to the children in TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” the celebrity offspring in the auto-barfography programs of Tori Spelling and Denise Richards and, most important, the kids in WE’s “Little Miss Perfect,” a documentary series about children’s beauty pageants that may be the most disgusting display I’ve ever seen on TV.

For those of you who’ve had the good sense to skip it, it’s a series that tracked parents and their little ones as they competed in contests requiring layers of makeup and the kind of pouting and strutting you might see in a Miami dance club.

In one horrifying moment, a 9-year-old competitor dressed up as Marilyn Monroe re-created the sex icon’s rendition of “Happy Birthday” to President John F. Kennedy.

Where’s the outrage over that?

I’m not opposed to kids getting airtime, as long as they’re doing something worth cheering about. I’m thrilled that the Scripps National Spelling Bee has become a prime-time event. I still get a kick out of watching a 2-year-old Tiger Woods exchange golf swings with Bob Hope on a 1978 episode of “The Mike Douglas Show.” And I’m certainly not one to begrudge the Olsen twins for creating an empire out of cutesy, harmless movies aimed at their peers.

I also have no problem with reality shows casting young people, as long as there appears to be some worthwhile intention. Some critics had problems with CBS’ “Kid Nation,” in which teenagers took over a ghost town and fought the temptation to morph into the castaways of “Lord of the Flies.”

Then there was NBC’s “The Baby Borrowers,” in which high-school couples “adopted” children and discovered that parenthood is no Mickey Mouse operation. Both could be excused as intriguing social experiments.

I can’t say the same about “Jon & Kate.” It’s hard enough for a kid of any age to deal with Mommy and Daddy’s divorce. Now imagine having it played out in front of a camera crew, beaming dirty details across the country. Ratings for the show have never been higher. Our collective shame should be just as high.

These children have absolutely nothing to gain from the show, with the possible exception of free diapers. Same goes for the celebrity kids too young to fully comprehend the weight of being a reality-show star. I never thought I’d look to Charlie Sheen for words of wisdom, but he was absolutely right when he called ex-wife Richards “greedy, vain and exploitative” for including their kids in her E! series “It’s Complicated.”

No, Denise. It’s not complicated. Your kids shouldn’t be part of your vanity project. End of story.

Jon Gosselin recently scolded paparazzi staking out his back yard, demanding that they permit him to control his own privacy. I’m with you, Jon. If only you gave the same freedom to your kids.