Pet project isn’t all that charming

Disney is now offering a 3-D comedy about talking guinea pigs trained as government agents.

By ROGER MOORE

Orlando Sentinel

For parents despairing of ever tearing “Cats and Dogs” and “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” out of the family DVD player, Disney gives us “G-Force,” a comedy about talking pet-shop dropouts trained as government agents.

Thanks, Disney. And it’s in 3-D, too, with its higher ticket price. Thanks again!

Kids love animal hijinx comedies, so this was a no-brainer, bottom-line-wise. But the digital hijinx aren’t great. And despite a committed voice cast that includes two Oscar winners, the jokes aren’t all that either.

And though one hesitates to use the word “charm,” this one plainly lacks that and a few other things “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” had going for it.

Couldn’t they have used a frame or two of real guinea pigs?

These animated guys are just chipmunks without the singing and the sweaters.

Zach Galifianakis of “The Hangover” stars as a scientist who is about to lose his Homeland Security grant for turning wildlife into SPECIAL special agents. So he unleashes them on a global appliance king (Bill Nighy) who seems to have designs on world conquest.

The team — three guinea pigs, a mole and a fly with cameras mounted on his chassis — call themselves G-Force. But they don’t get the goods on the bad guy.

The plug is pulled on the project (Will Arnett is the FBI agent who scorns them) and the chatty critters (they have voice-decoding gadgets) are condemned to the pet shop, at the mercy of little girls who want to dress them up and sadistic little boys.

What will Darwin (the voice of Sam Rockwell), Juarez (Penelope Cruz) and Blaster (Tracy Morgan) do? Why, break out and prove themselves, of course. They’ll bring along untrained guinea pig Hurley (Jon Favreau) because “We leave no rodent behind.”

The jokes are of the “Don’t drop a pellet” and flatulent rodent variety. Juarez has her own Facebook page, where she muses on the nature of love. And Blaster gives the dialogue little bursts of flavor — “Holla!”

Bring the kids (they want to see it) on the condition that they NOT be allowed to ask for the DVD for Christmas and they NOT want to stop at the pet store on the way home.