Maybe juvenile bullies will tire of embarrassing stepmom

Dear Annie: I have two adult stepdaughters who love capturing unflattering photos of me in my bathing suit and then posting them on various photo-sharing Web sites.

I’m not overweight, but in my late 50s, I no longer look stunning in a swimsuit. We do lots of water-skiing, so between getting in and out of the boat and getting on and off the dock, they have ample opportunity to photograph me in really awkward positions. I honestly believe they purposely select the absolute worst photos of me to post online, and their Web sites are viewed by people both in and outside our family.

I’ve asked my husband to talk to them and ask them to stop, but he refuses. I’ve never had a particularly close relationship with my stepdaughters, and there have been times of tension, so I guess my husband doesn’t want to risk straining relationships that are already delicate. But I don’t feel comfortable talking to them about this. However, I am tired of guarding myself from being filmed when we’re in the water with the grandchildren. Short of buying a full-body, 1920s bathing suit, what do you recommend? Victim of Family Paparazzi

Dear Victim: Since your husband is too cowardly to insist these juvenile bullies treat you with more respect, there is no way to avoid the photographs without rescinding all invitations to join you in the water. Unless you can find a swimsuit that flatters you from every angle, we vote for an attitude adjustment. Revel in the awkward poses, shrug off the unflattering shots and just have a good time. Why let them ruin your fun? Pretend you don’t mind their insensitive rudeness, and maybe they’ll tire of embarrassing you.

Dear Annie: My ex-husband died a few months ago after being on oxygen for many years fighting lung cancer. He had been a smoker for 50 years.

His death certificate said the cause of death was “natural,” and the box that asked if it was related to tobacco was checked “no.” How can those in charge of filling out these certificates lie about these things? I’ve been a family history researcher for many years and now wonder how much of the information listing “cause of death” is correct. Makes Me Think in Arizona

Dear Arizona: There was a time when people were highly sensitive to what was listed on a death certificate, and while outright lying was unusual, it was not uncommon to slightly amend the cause of death to be less upsetting to the survivors (or the insurance companies). Also, sometimes a person would suffer for years with, say, diabetes, and then have a heart attack while undergoing surgery for a kidney transplant. Cause of death listed? Heart attack. True, but not the whole story.

Dear Annie: My husband and I experienced the same traumatic event as “Concerned Parent,” whose son had a mental breakdown at college.

After our son underwent four months of heavy psychiatric drugs, two hospitalizations and five weeks of group behavioral therapy, we scheduled a second opinion with the head of the psychiatry department at a well-respected Boston hospital involved in studying initial psychotic episodes in young male adolescents. It was the best thing we ever did. Our son was so overmedicated that it took three months to wean him off the drugs. He was instead given very low levels of an antipsychotic and antidepressant.

Within weeks, we saw slow improvement. Two courses at a local community college, a small part-time job and getting together with friends helped. It took a full year for a nearly complete recovery. He is now in his second semester at a nearby university, doing well academically, and he has a social life. The most important advice I can give “Concerned” is to take very small steps, make sure your son is receiving the right treatment, and give him loving nudges. Be Patient

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