Husband should not give up on his stepson

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to “Susan” for three years. She has a 9-year-old boy from a past relationship. The father has a bad temper and a drug problem, and was verbally and physically abusive. I now see the 9-year-old with the same traits. He gets in trouble at school and argues with his mother and me.

Susan and I have a 2-year-old son. I love kids and could not wait to have a child I could call my own.

I initially had the same feelings for the 9-year-old, but with his temper and constant lying, I find myself slowly drifting away from him.

His grandparents make the situation worse by not caring how he behaves in school or at home.

He lies, tells them all kinds of stories and gets away with murder.

Susan and Grandma have arguments about the boy, and many of their fights revolve around me not caring about him. I do care, Annie, but the truth is, I’m tired of the kid’s evil ways. I have a stressful job and dealing with him is not healthy. What can I do? Proud Father of a 2-Year-Old

Dear Proud Father: No matter how much you claim to care about this boy, it is evident that you favor your biological child and don’t want the 9-year-old around. We guarantee that your negative attitude is coming through to the child, which makes him act out. Yes, some of his personality could be inherited, but the environment in which a child is raised makes a huge difference in whether those traits are emphasized or not.

Before this situation deteriorates further, we urge you to get family counseling. You are a father figure to this boy, and how you respond to him could determine the type of man he becomes. Please don’t give up on him.

Dear Annie: When I recently gave birth to twin boys, a good friend of mine collected money from all the ladies in the neighborhood to buy me a baby gift.

The gift turned out to be baby clothes, but every single item was extremely worn out and some were at least 10 years old. A few of the items were pink and obviously for girls. Some were so large they won’t fit my boys for two or three years.

I know it’s the thought that counts, but weren’t these other women taken advantage of? They don’t know she took their money and then raided her daughter’s closet. Should I say something? New Mom

Dear Mom: Are you sure the friend collected money for a gift? Perhaps she collected used clothes from these neighborhood women. You can address this with your individual thank-you notes, saying how much you appreciate the “donated clothing” and how cute the boys look in their “pink onesies.” If there’s a problem, they will take it up with your friend.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Distraught and in Love,” who caught her husband in a homosexual encounter. Your advice was correct, but incomplete. More than 2 million of us are or have been the straight spouses of gay men and women. The Straight Spouse Network (straightspouse.org) offers online and in-person group support that is indispensable, particularly in the early stages of discovery. Many counselors do not know of this resource.

Although the stories of straight spouses and the gay people they love are quite diverse, about 80 percent of such marriages do not survive beyond two or three years. Please reassure “Distraught” that she is not alone. A Straight Spouse

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Creators Syndicate