Being lonely may be the result of a rash decision

Dear Annie: Seven years ago, I left my marriage of 22 years to be with someone I still absolutely adore. However, I now realize that as much as we love each other, he will never love my children, two grandchildren or family. He could care less if he ever sees them or, as a matter of fact, his own family. I also love his family and am very involved in keeping in contact with them.

We moved away from both of our families for his job. We are now almost 1,000 miles from them in a cold, dreary place. I miss my children and am becoming very depressed. I understood that after a couple of years we would be moving closer to home, but now that the two years are almost up, my husband says the company needs him here. I know for a fact that several managers have been able to move elsewhere. I really think he is more comfortable living away.

My husband is a good man, but living far away from everything that is dear to me is not the life I expected. I now believe it would have been better not to jump into another marriage. I think my ex and I would probably be growing closer because we’d be enjoying our grandbabies together. He gets to see a lot more of them now than I do. I miss them. What can I do? More Alone Now Than Ever

Dear More Alone: You can arrange to visit your children and grandchildren as often as possible, and if your husband doesn’t wish to see them, he doesn’t have to accompany you. It’s too bad he isn’t more enthusiastic, but you don’t need his approval or permission to stay close to your family. It may never be as much contact as you’d like, but all choices have consequences, dear.

Dear Annie: Is it still proper to kiss a lady’s hand when she extends hers and you are meeting for the very first time? Or is this merely a European custom that is outdated in the United States?

If it is still permitted, how does one know when and where? Would it be proper to do so at a company Christmas party when meeting the CEO’s wife for the first time? Malume

Dear Malume: This is a European custom. If you are European, it is charming for you to politely kiss a woman’s hand, even if you reside in the United States. If you are an American, however, it seems a bit pretentious and some women may object to the familiarity. When in doubt, a handshake is always correct and you won’t have to worry about offending anyone.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “A Mother at Wits’ End,” whose 8-year-old daughter, “Grace,” lies continuously and blames her wrong behavior on others. As a medical professional, I agree the parents need to be in counsel with a pediatric therapist.

Grace may be suffering from bipolar disorder. Many cases go undetected until adolescence and adulthood, when the behavioral problems become so intolerable that the person affected, as well as family members and friends, suffers socially and personally.

Those afflicted often show levels of high intelligence. It is not unusual for a victim of bipolar disorder to test at a high IQ. Moods are often “labile,” meaning the child’s moods may change from pleasant behavior to hostility.

Grace apparently is not controlled by either verbal reprimand or having privileges withheld. Bipolar disorder has been shown to run in families and needs to be addressed with early professional intervention. California RN

Dear California: Thank you for providing a different possible explanation for Grace’s behavior. We appreciate all the letters from readers who wrote to help.

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