‘Kim’ makes life confusing for infant’s family

Dear Annie: My 22-year-old son, “Josh,” was in a relationship with “Kim” for over a year. She seemed nice, attended church with us and told us horror stories about her abusive ex-boyfriend, “Buster.” Although we weren’t thrilled when Kim became pregnant, our family was excited about the new grandchild.

We took Kim to doctors’ appointments and bought a car seat and baby clothes. A month before the baby was born, Buster was released from jail. Kim immediately turned on us, saying she lied about the baby’s paternity and did not want us in her life, goodbye.

When Josh saw a picture of the baby, he had no doubt it was his. He filed a lawsuit for an enforced DNA test, and it turns out he was right. Now he is awaiting a formal decision on a custody arrangement, as he wants to be a good father to his son.

Even though Buster is back in jail, Kim has convinced both her parents and Buster’s that he is the father of the baby. Once a week, the baby spends the night with Buster’s parents so Kim can have a night out on the town. They have no idea the child is not actually related to them.

Josh doesn’t want problems with Kim because she is currently allowing him to spend some time with his son. However, the rest of us rarely see the child, who is now 6 months old. We don’t think it’s our place to tell Buster’s parents that they’ve been scammed. We don’t even know them. What can we do? The Real Grandma

Dear Grandma: Josh doesn’t want to upset the apple cart right now, so for the moment, wait until the courts decide the custody arrangement. You should then be able to spend plenty of time with the baby when he’s with Josh. As for Buster’s parents, if Kim maintains a relationship with her jailbird boyfriend, they will be spending time with the baby anyway, blood related or not. Stay out of that mess.

Dear Annie: My college graduate daughter, “Kay,” has lived at home for over a year. She is presently working and continuing her education. I told her early on that she could live here for one year at no cost, but after that time, I would expect her to pay for her car, health insurance and cell phone bill.

Kay’s salary is $400 a week after taxes, and I get $100 of it. Each month, I put aside $125 in savings for her. Kay resents that I now expect her to pay her own bills. I decided to write you so she could see in print how selfish this looks. Taken Advantage Of

Dear Taken: Kay is paying a reasonable amount of her salary on rent, and you are right that she should pay for her other expenses, particularly the cell phone bill.

You are already being quite magnanimous setting aside savings for her, although health insurance is costly and if you wish to be generous, you might want to help her with that instead. If Kay balks, by all means encourage her to find her own place so she can be completely independent. It’s time.

Dear Annie: I strongly disagree with your response to “Lost in California,” whose husband ogles other women and makes her feel inadequate. She wants to tell her adult children about their father. You said that wouldn’t be in their best interests and she should unburden herself to a professional.

This wife needs family support. Why should the mother bear this treatment alone? Why should her husband be protected for his behavior? He should be reproached by the family and shown that his actions are unacceptable. Fran

Dear Fran: Telling the kids isn’t about supporting Mom. It’s about punishing Dad. It’s OK for the kids to know Mom is unhappy, but giving them details will only destroy whatever relationship they have with their father. Helping her by vilifying him is vindictiveness, plain and simple.

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