Daughter thinks mother may be depressed

Dear Annie: I’m a 15-year-old girl whose family is struggling in today’s economy. Not long ago, my mother seemed more and more agitated when she came home from work. Soon I preferred to go to sleep before she came home so I wouldn’t have to hear her yell and cry.

The other day, I saw a commercial on TV for an antidepressant. I did some research and took a self-test as if I were in my mother’s shoes. She had some symptoms, but I couldn’t tell about others. Still, it worries me a lot. Are these signs of clinical depression? If so, how should I go about talking to my mom about it? Should I wait until my next checkup and ask my doctor in private, mentioning my observations to him?

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if she really is depressed. Please help. Concerned in Ohio

Dear Ohio: It sounds more like your mother may be unhappy about something very specific, perhaps her job situation, rather than suffering from clinical depression.

You sound like a caring, sensitive daughter. Instead of talking to your doctor, try talking to your mother. Tell her you’ve noticed that she seems despondent and you’ve heard her crying. Let her know it worries you and ask how you can help. If Mom has close family nearby, you might also confide your concerns to them.

Dear Annie: Two years ago, my husband was in an auto accident and suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. In the beginning, people offered to help. Many sent cards and money. His co-workers moved furniture and mowed my yard. His best friend helped us build a sunroom with a bath so my husband could return home after six months in the hospital.

I work a full-time job, take care of my husband and am a mother. I want to ask the world to remember the caregiver because we are susceptible to burnout, which leads to anxiety, depression and health problems. It’s sad enough we feel isolated and alone when everyone else’s life goes back to normal. My husband has a brother and sister who rarely visit. Early on, I asked them for help and they refused, saying they were “too busy.” I have no family members who can give me a break.

Please tell your readers if they can’t relieve the caregiver to offer them a meal or a gift certificate to a restaurant with home delivery. Maybe bring in a cleaning service, offer to wash a load of clothes or run an errand. Sometimes you just need to show up on the doorstep because as caregivers we don’t want to appear inept. Anything and everything is appreciated. Trying Not To Drown

Dear Trying: Many people are reluctant to offer help because they aren’t sure it’s wanted or needed, and they are afraid to be stuck with a long-term commitment they may not be able to fulfill. But, as you’ve made clear, even a one-time offer is appreciated. Thanks for the good suggestions. You might also contact the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) (800) 445-8106 for information and assistance.

Dear Annie: “Not the Land of Enchantment” said she was having a hard time finding friends in her new location. I have a couple of tips for her.

I joined a local gym that is for women only. Not only does the exercise make me feel better physically, but it also greatly improves my mood while getting me out of the house. It has the added benefit of allowing me to meet other women.

She also should volunteer at her children’s school. There is no other place where you can find people with more in common. She might also consider a part-time job. I think stay-at-home moms especially need that outside contact to help maintain their own identity apart from their family. Louisville, KY

Dear Louisville: Thanks to you and other readers who made some great suggestions. We hope she follows your advice.

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