Children devastated by father’s betrayal

Dear Annie: My ex-husband was one of those who thought the grass was greener on the other side. After a long marriage, he had an affair. I never thought he could betray our family like that.

Our two teenage children are still devastated. Although I have encouraged them to call and see their father, they refuse. We have tried counseling and I feel it helped all of us, but the kids are still very angry.

The problem is, their father blames me. He harasses me daily, threatening to delay his child support checks, take us back to court, and on and on, all because the children don’t want to have contact. I have explained that I am not stopping the children from seeing him, but it falls on deaf ears. He needs to take responsibility for what he did, address it to the kids and move on. I am not at fault for how they feel. I have tried repeatedly to help them mend fences, but they simply aren’t ready.

I am in a good place with my life now, but my ex continues to say mean and hateful things to me. I have told him that I forgive him even though I don’t understand why he cheated, and that he needs to forgive himself and stop blaming me for the mess he has made of his life.

I am hoping if he reads this he will come to the same realization. What else can I do? The Ex-Wife

Dear Ex: We think your husband’s guilt is so overwhelming that he is taking it out on everyone else. Tell him you agree the children would benefit from having a relationship with their father, and suggest family counseling for all of you. If he is truly interested in re-establishing contact, he will cooperate.

Dear Annie: My sister and brother use too many antibiotics. And they both use only as many pills as they need to feel better and save the rest. I’ve told both of them that abuse of antibiotics is the No. 1 reason we have superbugs that won’t be cured by existing medications. I’ve warned them they could get seriously ill, but they both ignore my advice.

How can I get them to stop self-medicating with antibiotics for stuff like a bad cold? Also, I believe some doctors prescribe unnecessary antibiotics to get people like my siblings off their back. This strikes me as malpractice. How can this abuse be stopped? Concerned

Dear Concerned: Doctors should not be prescribing antibiotics for viral infections (like a cold) because they are generally ineffective. But patients often clamor for something, and doctors too often accede to their patients’ demands. Even when an antibiotic is necessary, by not using the full amount, the infection isn’t entirely killed off and what’s left is more resistant to the drug, making future infections more dangerous. Unfortunately, there is no medication that will make your siblings smarter and more responsible. Sorry.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Undecided in Iowa,” who is looking into the Air National Guard. As a 28-year-service member proudly facing my first combat deployment, I have an employer who is bending over backward to work with me.

The Uniformed Services Employment and Re-employ-ment Rights Act protects those who chose to serve. USERRA is intended to minimize the disadvantages to an individual that occur when that person needs to be absent from his or her civilian employment to serve in this country’s uniformed services. USERRA also provides employees with Department of Labor assistance in processing claims. This means a person cannot be fired or retaliated against for joining, attending training or going on active duty for periods not to exceed five years per employer. 28 Years and Proudly Serving

Dear Proudly Serving: Thanks for the very useful information for anyone interested in serving in the military.

• E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox‚Ñ¢, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Creators Syndicate